I Got Over You
by AmericanIdiot12
Summary: One shot-turned story. Mer is divorced, but still loves him. Can she handle being a single mom? Mer/Der Complete.
1. Never were the best for me

**Ok. This is my ****first Grey's fic. I'm kind of nervous about it. This is my one-shot to the song "over you" by Daughtry, that i turned into a continued story. Review!!**

**sadly, i don't own grey's. Shonda does :(**

* * *

_Never were the Best for Me _

_**Now that it's all said and done**_**  
**_**I can't believe you were the one  
To build me up and tear me down  
Like an old abandoned house**_

Meredith sat at her kitchen table reading the paper. She didn't know how to get him off of her mind. She was broken. She opened up to Derek and told him that she wanted him and no one else, and she thought they were happy. She ran her hand down to her round stomach, and felt a slight kick.

"Mommy loves you sweetheart" Meredith whispered to her baby girl. She got up and headed towards the shower. She had to get ready for a 12 hour shift, which is not pleasant for being 8 months pregnant. Her feet were killing her and her back was aching.

The warm water was a relief, running down her body as the scent of lavender filled the shower. She remembered just like it was yesterday. The biggest regret of her life…

"_I don't want you to date other people. It may not be enough for you, but I'm trying here so I don't want you to date anybody but me. That's it. Except, I'm scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway. And fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don't want to lose you."_

Except for now, the one thing she wanted was to lose every memory. She promised herself, that from now on Derek Shepherd was just a figment of her imagination. _  
_

_**What you said when you left  
Just left me cold and out of breath  
Fell to far, was in way to deep  
I guess I let you get the best of me  
**_

Everyday that she walked into Seattle Grace was a nightmare. If it weren't for her friends, she would have given up a long time ago. Christina was actually being supportive. A new side, considering she usually didn't do the whole I cry you hold me kind of thing…

She was trying to be healthy for the baby. Delia would be her name. Delia Anne Grey. She could do this on her own. She wanted to give her everything. She didn't want this baby to come into the world just to be with a mom who wasn't bright and shiny.

Every time he was in a room with her she held her breath. Time stopped. She just couldn't grasp that he wasn't hers anymore. The divorce was finalized 7 months ago, and here he was shining those blue eyes for that nurse Rose. The day after she told him she didn't want to lose him, he decided they were ready for a life together.

It was a small ceremony, a few close friends. But it didn't matter, they were in love. She was scared that they had rushed everything but he reassured her they would be fine. They built a house together on his land and started their life together.

How could she have known that less than a year after promising her undying love to her husband, that she would be alone.

_**You took a hammer to these walls  
dragged the memories down the hall  
Packed your bags and walked away  
There was nothing I could say  
When you slammed the front door shut  
A lot of others opened up  
So did my eyes so I could see  
That you never were the best for me**_

"_Mere, I can't do this anymore. I just can't." Derek explained not b__eing able to make eye contact. She was waiting for those sparkling blue eyes to meet hers and everything would go back to how it was. How had this happened to her?_

"_Derek, Please don't do this, I can't go on without you, I can't do this by myself." All she wanted was his warm hands, his lips, anything to touch her and make the world stop. "I know I've been busy at the hospital, but I can try harder to be here more. I am an intern! I have to work to make it Derek. What did I do wrong? I cant function without you here…"_

"_You know I'll always be here, you're my best friend, but I can't do this with you anymore. I can't be your husband anymore. I want a divorce." _

_She just stared at him. A blank and empty stare. He had said the words she dreaded most. He wanted a divorce. _

_As she stood up to go to her room, she didn't look back at him once. Not one sign of hurt or sadness. Just emptiness. _

_**You took a hammer to these walls  
dragged the memories down the hall  
Packed your bags and walked away  
There was nothing I could say  
When you slammed the front door shut  
A lot of others opened up  
So did my eyes so I could see  
That you never were the best for me**_

Derek sat up in bed. He had another sleepless night again. He was disgusted with himself. He had hurt Meredith badly. He thought that maybe if he married her, they would be ok and happy. But then there was Rose. After their scrub room kiss, He thought he could forget her, a one time fling.

"Baby are you alright, you're sweating through the sheets." Rose asked with a concerned look.

"I'm fine, I'm just hot. What time do you have work today?" Derek asked, not even looking at her while he got up and started to get dressed. There were the nights, where he would start lying to Meredith just see Rose. He couldn't believe the things he did, after going through Addison and Mark. He never though he would have an affair. He had made a mistake. He left the love of his life for a kiss, a kiss that was an accident. He knew what he had to do.

"Oh, I've got a night shift, so I wont see you much today." She said.

"Ok, see you later."_**  
**_

Rose just sat there. She couldn't remember the last time he kissed her bye. It just stopped. The little things she started to notice were making her worry. Maybe it was nothing.

_**  
Well I never saw it coming  
I should of started running  
A long**__** long time ago  
And I never thought I'd doubt you  
I'm better off without you  
More than you More than you know**_

Meredith didn't know why she had let it go on for so long. The back and forth of this relationship. She should have ended it when he chose Addison over her. But she was stupid.

But things were finally starting to get better. Izzie and Christina had moved in with her, into the house she had built with her husband. But that didn't matter anymore. She had a two week old daughter. She was beautiful, with her Sparkling blue eyes and dark hair.

She had a positive test in her hands two weeks after the divorce was finalized. Two weeks too late. He said that he couldn't handle it. Their child. He was busy and they had just divorced.

Izzie, Christina, and Meredith had just sat down to dinner. They were drinking a bottle of wine and enjoying themselves. It was the first time Meredith had been truly happy in a long time, with the exception of Delia. She knew it would be hard, raising her without a dad, but she had her family, her best friends. She needed her life to turn around.

_**  
I'm slowly getting closure  
I guess it's really over  
I'm finally getting better  
And I'm picking up the pieces  
From spending all of thes**__**e years  
Putting my heart back together**_

Derek walked up the familiar driveway. As he neared the front door he heard laughter. He walked to the window and peeked through and saw Meredith happy for the first time in as long as he could remember. He missed her.

He rang the doorbell and Meredith came to the door. Derek watched her face drop as she looked into his eyes. She felt sick. She pulled Delia closer to her chest. What was he doing here?

"Mere, I miss you. I want to come home, to you and Delia. I'm still in love with you. I want a family."

"Derek. You left us. You abandoned your own daughter and just left, for Rose. How could you do this to us? And now you want me back. Seriously, Derek? Seriously?"

"Mere I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I never wanted it to be like this." He cried to her.

"Well Derek, You should have thought about that."

"Mere honey, come finish your dinner." Finn said as he walked to the door and took Delia. "I'll go feed her a bottle for you." He said as he shot Derek a look.

"Meredith?"

"Derek, you can't expect me to wait forever. I've sat here while you have chosen everyone over me. I got over you." She said as she slammed the door in his face. She was done. A New life was starting.

_**Cause the day I thought I'd never get through I got over you**_


	2. Bottom of a bottle

**Ok so here it goes. I'm turning this one-shot into a story. This is chapter two. I am going to attempt this lol. Please review and encourage me. I'm scared!!**

Derek stared at the door. The one that separated him from his future. He had messed up any chances he had at forming a family with the woman he loved. He wanted to taste her lips and smell her hair, to marry her and build the house of their dreams and grow old together. He wanted to be around his daughter and teach her things a father should do. But he had none of that. He had Rose, in a loveless relationship that he didn't know how to end. But she had Finn. He was there for her, raising his daughter. All he could think about was Finn touching Meredith and making love to her. Going to Delia's dance recitals and her first day of school. He had to get his Meredith back.

He looked through teary eyes as he forced his body to walk to his car. On the drive home all he could do was think about the words she had just said. She was over him. He drove the streets in an almost robotic fashion, only using his mind to replay the scene that had just unfolded before him. Feeling relieved that Rose had a night shift, he walked into his apartment and opened the fridge to retrieve his only friend. Alcohol. He poured himself a glass and began to drown out his sorrows straight to the bottom of the bottle.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well that was fun..." Meredith said sarcastically as she walked back to the dinner table and grabbed her glass of wine. Finn was upstairs in the nursery feeding Delia.

"What happened Mer" asked a wide-eyed Izzie and Cristina.

"McStupid just realized that he wants to be a family...after the baby is born and we've been divorced for almost a year. Maybe he should have decided that when we got married instead of screwing Rose..." Meredith explained to her roommate and person.

"What is wrong with that guy, He never knows what he wants. You deserve so much more Mer" Cristina said, trying to support Meredith in the best way she knew how. Her person was hurting so bad and she knew it even though Meredith tried so hard to hide it.

"Guys, I think I'm going to get ready for bed, I've had a long day and I've still got to give Delia her bath and do some laundry. I'll see you in the morning" Meredith said as she grabbed the bottle of wine and headed upstairs trying to get out of talking to her friends about this any longer.

Meredith walked upstairs and quietly peeked into the nursery. It was bright pink with chocolate brown stripes. She had gotten most of the things occupying the nursery from her friends, and the rest she bought on her own. She looked at the crib and then at the rocking chair. Finn was moving back and forth and attempting to sing Delia to sleep. He quietly got up and placed her into her crib and crept out into the hallway past Meredith and pulled the door shut behind him. He handed Meredith the baby monitor and motioned for Meredith to follow him into her room.

"Thank you so much for helping me out since Delia was born. I really appreciate it" Meredith said to Finn.

"Your welcome Meredith. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. You are going through a hard time. That's what friends are for ya know..." Meredith smiled and walked to her dresser to get her pajamas out. She was thankful for all of her friends. She didn't feel so alone.

"How is Katie? When is the big day?" Meredith asked.

"Well, we want a long engagement so I'm thinking sometime next year. She is good though. She understands me helping you out." Finn said as he pulled his buzzing cell phone out of his pocket. "Speaking of Katie she's calling to probably see where I am. I guess I'll call you tomorrow and see if you need anything. Bye Mer"

"Bye Finn" She replied closing and locking her door behind him. She walked into the bathroom and turned on her bathwater. The tile was cold on her bare feet. She grabbed her fresh Pajamas and bottle of wine from her bedroom and closed the bathroom door behind her. She remembered the times her and Derek had shared this tub throughout their relationship as she started to undress and slip into the hot bathwater. She took a sip of her wine and started to try and relax just a little, but still couldn't get Derek out of her head. He looked heartbroken when she had told him she was over him. The truth was that she wasn't even close.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek heard a key insert into the front door's lock and the door opening. He tried to move but his head was pounding. He didn't even know where he was in his own apartment. He didn't want to open his eyes because he knew that Rose was about to start another argument. This was the third time this week she had come home to him passed out with an empty bottle next to him. He was Derek Shepherd, World-Renowned Neurosurgeon, and he couldn't even make it to his own bed at night.

"DEREK, WHAT THE HELL..." Rose yelled as she stumbled over him when she walked into the living room. She flipped the light on and set her stuff down on the table. She picked up the empty bottle of scotch and threw it in the trashcan and grabbed a dasani and some Advil. She kicked at him to get off of the floor and handed him the pills.

"What time is it Rose" Derek asked, eyes still half closed.

"It's nearly 8. You have to be at work in an hour. Look at you. What is wrong? You keep doing this and you're not telling me whats wrong..." Rose said with a concerned look on her face.

"I'm just having problems at work that's all, ok?"

"Please just be more careful. You could at least get into the bed next time. I almost broke my leg."

"Ok, I'm sorry. I'll see you later. I have to get ready" Derek said as he drug himself to the bathroom. He couldn't stand to be around her much longer. He took a quick shower, styled his hair, threw on some clothes and headed out the door.

Derek drove to work feeling like crap. The advil wasn't helping at all. He knew that his headache would be much worse by the end of the day, but at least Meredith was still on maternity leave. He was dreading her coming back after his little visit to her house. He didn't want any problems between them, but he had screwed that chance already. He walked into the front doors of Seattle Grace and put a fake smile on his face, just like he did every other day.


	3. It Hurts to Breathe

Derek, trying to ignore the throbbing in his temples, walked up to the coffee cart, hoping the caffeine would put him out of his misery and push him to focus. He could feel the warm liquid travel down his throat and into the pit of his stomach. He grabbed a muffin and headed for the elevator. He remembered the moments shared with Meredith, their passionate kisses, awkward moments, silent rides with Addison between them. All he wanted was to see that honey-blond hair amidst the people but he knew she wouldn't be there. That was their thing. The elevator. But not today. Never again.

The hallway on the surgical floor was busy as usual with the frantic Interns, irritated nurses, and stressed out residents. He quietly walked towards the OR board eating the remains of his muffin hearing Dr. Yang yelling out numbers with a group of interns sprinting after her, barely able to keep up. He laughed thinking about his days as an intern, just glad he didn't have someone like Bailey or Yang. He didn't have any surgeries scheduled until afternoon so he kept himself busy with post-op checkups and neuro consults.

A couple of hours later, he headed to an on-call room to take a nap until his surgery was scheduled. He slipped off his shoes and threw his lab coat over the foot of the bed. He laid back onto the somewhat comfortable mattress and covered himself up. He still wasn't having much luck getting rid of his hangover, his head was still pounding and he felt horrible. He relaxed a little, and thought about other things, blocking out the pain. He slowly closed his eyes drifting off into his past.

_"Derek where are we!!" Meredith yelled, stumbling blindly and laughing the whole way. She wondered what this big surprise was..._

_"Hold on Meri, we almost there i promise" he replied guiding a blindfolded Meredith up a dirt path through the woods. He knew she didn't have a clue what was going on, but that only excited him even more. He couldn't wait to see her reaction, hoping it would be a good one. "Ok, are you ready?"_

_"Yes Derek, please!" she squealed, excitement radiating from her body. He slowly pulled off the blindfold and watched as she took in the beautiful green valley full of luscious trees and wildlife. "Derek this is breathtaking...but what is it?" she asked with a confused look on her face._

_"Its the view from the back porch of our new house Meri..." He said waiting for her reaction. She stood still for all of 5 seconds taking in what he just said until her face lit up and she tackled him to the ground kissing him all over. "Woah, slow down, slow down...what do you think" he asked with a smile on his face._

_"Oh Derek its perfect, I love it!" she replied crashing her lips to his. They shared a perfect passion-filled moment. Derek pulled his hands up and gently placed them on either side of Meredith's face, the smell of lavender engulfing his senses. He nibbled on her bottom lip, hearing a faint moan escape from her perfect lips. "I love you Derek Shepherd" Meredith whispered to him feeling all her emotions swelling in her chest._

_"I love you too."_

Derek returned to reality to the sound of his pager blaring. He missed her so much. He wished he could take it all back. His mistakes. His lies. He was only with Rose for the comfort of the relationship. He didn't realize it until recently but he was more infatuated with the idea of something more. Its not that he didn't love Meredith, its just that he rushed into a marriage with her and didn't know if he was ready to settle down again. He was scared Meredith would hurt him like Addison did. He knew in his heart that she wouldn't but his mind just didn't agree. He knew that Rose was ready for commitment and he never had doubts about her, but Meredith was so unpredictable. What if she stopped loving him? He was scared of being alone. But now that he lost Mer, he wanted her even more. Forever. He wanted to raise children with her and now its all gone. He was empty. A shell of the man he once was.

He looked at his watch. 3:10. He was late for his surgery. "Shit! Could this day get any worse?" Derek cursed to himself grabbing his lab coat and sprinting out the door towards OR #2.

-------------------------------------------------

Why did she keep doing this to herself. Why was this so hard. Just get over it. He doesn't want you anymore. Pull yourself together. Breathe in. Breathe out. It hurts. It hurts to breathe. Keep Breathing. Do it for Delia, she needs you. Don't give up.

Meredith's eyes fluttered awake to bright light. She rolls over engulfing herself in the sheets. Breathe in. Breathe out. She doesn't remember getting in bed. Cristina and Iz must have put her in here last night. They do that a lot. Take care of her.

Meredith drifted in and out of consciousness for the next couple of hours until Izzie quietly entered the room. Her heart broke every time Meredith did this to herself. Get drunk in the bathtub and pass out, the night ending with Cris and I putting her into bed. Meredith is like my sister, I wish I could fix it this time.

"Mer, sweetie?" Izzie said softly. "Mer, time to get up. Delia needs mommy" she said a little louder. Meredith began to stir under her sheets until she slowly pulled them down off her face and was staring back at Izzie.

"Bathtub again Iz?" Meredith asked with a concerned look on her face. She was dreading hearing Izzie's answer.

"Yes Meredith. You finished the whole bottle this time. You cant keep doing this to yourself, ok? We are worried about you." Izzie proclaimed. "What if you slipped under the water and drowned and no one knew. What about Delia? You can't risk leaving her all alone."

"I know Iz. I'm just sad. I want this to stop hurting but it just wont. I want him back so bad. Is that horrible?" Meredith said, tears threatening her emerald eyes.

"No honey, your only human. He is the father of your child you know. What if he tries to get Delia?" Izzie asked with a frightened look on her face.

"I've been wondering when he was gonna ask me to come spend time with her, but i guess he really doesn't care." said Meredith, longingly, secretly wishing he would show up again. That's all she wanted. To see him, smell him, take all of him in. She missed making love to him during a rainstorm. Why couldn't it just go back to the way it was before. Before Rose. Before Addison. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Meredith loaded Delia into her car seat in the back of the Jeep and jumped in the front. She put the diaper bag in the front seat and flipped on her radio and took off. Maybe a day of rest, relaxation and shopping was what she needed. She pulled into the parking lot of Pacific Place. She loved going here. It was a huge shopping center in downtown Seattle. She walked around for a while, eventually ending up in Barnes and Noble. She looked through the many rows and rows of books to pass the time. She missed work. It used to take her mind off of everything but now she had to keep herself busy 24/7 just to be remotely ok. She turned the corner with Delia's stroller running into someone and nearly knocking them over.

"OH MY GOSH! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you." Meredith explained as the dark-haired woman gathered her books off of the ground.

"Its Ok..." replied the woman, standing up to meet the eyes of Meredith.

"Rose. I"m sorry, I'll just be going" an angry Meredith exclaimed. Rose was the last person she wanted to be talking to today.

"Meredith, wait please? Just give me one minute..." Rose said with a pained look on her face.

"What do you want?" said an annoyed Meredith.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. He's miserable. I know its because of you. He misses..." said Rose only to be interrupted mid sentence by Meredith.

"I hardly think that this is any of your concern Rose. You broke up my marriage. You stole Delia's father. Distracted him from me and her. She is all alone, just like me while you're off gallivanting with Mcdreamy." Meredith snapped back at Rose. "You knew good and well that he was married and you still let it go on. If you were the bigger person you wouldn't have been near my husband. Just leave me the hell alone." Finished Meredith pushing Delia the opposite direction and out the door.

She pulled out her cell entering in Izzies number for a text as she walked back to her car, her day of shopping ruined already.

**emrgcy grls nght tnght.**

**tell cris nd lex. Im a wrek.**

**-mer**

She loaded Delia back into the car and pulled out her buzzing cell.

**u ok? wut happnd.**

**-iz**

Meredith sighed. She quickly went to work on the phone's keypad.

**ran into Rose. literaly. mall.**

**pissed off. tequila tnght?**

**-mer**

Meredith responded. She missed her Tequila. But then again, tequila's what got her in this whole mess in the first place...

**ya sure. i'll be hme as soon as poss.**

**-iz**

Meredith read before she pulled out from the spot and drove back home. Maybe tonight would be just what she needed.


	4. Numb

_Numb_

Meredith sat against the wall, tequila bottle in tow, watching Cristina and Lexie dancing around the living room. She pulled the bottle to her lips, taking a gulp, and the hot, burning liquid made its way through her body. She was out of it, to others. Blank Stare. She sat empty, just taking drinks of her tequila every once in a while. But her head was swimming full of memories and thoughts and she couldn't help but wonder what to do next. Her ability to be a good mother was slowly going down hill, while every night consisted of Meredith drowning herself in a bottle. She wondered why people turned to drink. It makes you numb. She wondered if Derek was doing the same every night. Rose said it herself. That Derek was miserable. She took another sip. Sometimes being numb isn't the best way to fix it...

_"I can't believe that this is actually happening, Derek! We're really gonna go through with this..." Meredith said. She smiled to herself. Her life was falling in place. She was getting married to Derek. Dr. Meredith Shepherd. That sounded nice._

"I know Mer. We're getting married next month and we are building the house of our dreams. I can't believe it." He kissed her forehead. Derek was nervous. Everything was too perfect. Why can't he just be happy and live his life. What if Meredith has doubts. No trust. Is this the right thing? It has to be.

"Lets go see the house tomorrow. I know its not done yet, but i want to see it!" said Meredith, as she pulled her body closer to his. She loved laying in bed with Derek. He was so warm, so inviting. She felt safe.

"Okay baby." he replied. Maybe everything would be ok. Derek get a grip. Stop being paranoid. She's happy.

Meredith leaned in and touched her lips to his so light, you could barley even feel it, but it sent shocks through the two of them. He wrapped himself into her. He pulled her T-shirt over her head and took in the sight of her perfect body. He kissed her lightly down her chest cupping her breast in is hand. He loved to make her feel good. He took one nipple into his mouth and swirled his tongue, then repeated the same to the other. Meredith let out a moan, pulling him close, begging for more. "Make love to me Derek" she begged, responding to every touch and kiss from him.

He slid himself into her slowly, her grip tightening on him. He kissed her neck, taking in the scent of her hair, the softness of her perfect skin. He pulled her legs around his waist allowing his thrusts to become deeper, causing her to cry out in pleasure. She could feel her orgasm about to engulf her body. All her senses were heightened. Her love for Derek swelled as she cried out feeling waves of pleasure.

"MEREDITH!" yelled Izzie. Suddenly she realized where she was. Not in Derek's arms, but in her living room.

"You scared me mer, I think you passed out. I've been trying to wake you for 10 minutes. Maybe you've had enough." Izzie said, attempting to pull the bottle out of her hands. She was getting really worried about Meredith's drinking.

"Iz, I'm fine. Just don't worry about it. I'm tired." Meredith lied.

"Why don't you go lay down, ok? I'll go pick up Delia from the sitter's so you can get some rest." Izzie replied grabbing her keys, as she headed for the door.

"Thanks Iz." Meredith took her tequila upstairs into her bedroom. She couldn't do this. She needed him. I guess being numb would have to do for now.

**Sorry for the small update. More tomorrow!! The alcohol will be an issue with Meredith in the future. She has a serious addiction. Derek's was just temporary.**


	5. Alone

_Alone_

Meredith woke up to Izzie banging on the door of her bedroom. She was on the floor next to her dresser covered in vomit. What happened last night? "Hold on Iz" she yelled back. She rolled over onto an empty tequila bottle. She got up and changed and then walked to the door.

"Hey sleepy head. How long have you been up? " Asked Izzie.

"Since you started banging on my door. What the hell did we do last night?" She replied. "And you guys owe me a bottle of tequila! The one we bought last night is empty. That was mine!" She said joking around.

"Mer, we didn't drink tequila last night. You had the bottle the whole time." Izzie said with a concerned look on her face. "You passed out and we sent you to bed when it was a little less than half a bottle left. Did you drink the whole thing?"

"I guess so. We must have partied hard last night. I don't remember most of it. OH MY GOD DELIA…is she still at the sitters?" Meredith asked with a panicked look on her face.

"You really don't remember do you? I sent you to bed and I went and picked her up and put her to bed for you. She's already been fed this morning and she's asleep in her crib. I can't keep watching her for you Mer. I know that she's only 5 weeks old and you're getting used to being a new mom, but you're getting drunk all the time. I'm worried about you…." Izzie said. She was worried Meredith was gonna get mad at her.

"Izzie. I lost my Husband, and now I'm a single mom. I'm sorry that I'm sad ok? I just drink every once in a while like a normal adult. Why are you always on my case about the drinking?"

"Meredith do you realize that you forgot about your daughter until halfway through our conversation. That isn't normal. You lost your husband almost a year ago, and yes you're a single mom, which means you have more of a responsibility. That doesn't give you an excuse to drink yourself to death…. "

"Izzie just leave me alone, ok? This is none of your business. Just go away" Meredith spat as she walked away towards the nursery to check on Delia. She pulled out her cell phone and called Lexie.

"Hey Lexie, are you off today?" she asked.

"Yeah, do you need anything Mer?" Lexie replied. She loved her sister and was so glad that hey had fixed things between them.

"Could you watch Delia for the day by any chance? I've got to go grocery shopping and run some errands." Meredith lied.

"Yeah sure Mer, just bring her over."

"Ok, I'll see you in a bit." Meredith said. She hung up and got Delia's diaper bag together and went to go take a quick shower.

----------------------------------------------------

It had been 3 long, horrible weeks since he had seen her emerald eyes. 3 weeks since he had been close enough to smell the lavender that engulfed his senses. 3 weeks since he had seen his daughter. Rose and Derek had gone to dinner in a nice restaurant in downtown Seattle. He was eating his steak, sitting at the table, but his mind wasn't there.

"Rose, I think we should talk." Derek said suddenly. He should have done this months ago.

"Ok" Rose replied, unsure of what would come next.

"I can't lie to you anymore. I made a mistake and you and I both know that. I'm still in love with Mer. I always have been." Derek explained.

"Derek, you cheated on your wife with me. Why would you be with me after the divorce if you didn't want me?" Rose asked with tears in her eyes.

"Rose I divorced my wife! I didn't divorce her to be with you. We were having problems. She was always at work and I was lonely. I'm just scared of being alone. This whole thing was a mistake. I'm being honest with you because I'm sick of the person I have become. I'm a wreck. I was alone and you were there. That's it." Derek said. He threw some bills down on the table and got out of his chair.

"I'll have my things out of the apartment tonight. I'm sorry Rose." He said as he walked away. If he couldn't be with Meredith, he would be alone. He couldn't be in a bad relationship with Rose anymore. He never loved her in the first place…


	6. Someone To Talk To

_Someone to talk to_

Meredith drove around and killed time for the remainder of the day. She loved Delia, but something was wrong. She needed some alone time to sort through this. She couldn't be a good wife, and now she had failed as a mother. Maybe she wasn't cut out for this. She needed Derek. She couldn't do this without him.

Meredith's favorite thing to do was to ride the ferry when she was upset. She had time to be alone and think about everything without interruption. She walked up to the deck and sat on a bench and stared out at the water. Ferries reminded her of Derek.

Meredith sat on the bench and felt the cool breeze on her face. Maybe things would work out for Derek and her. Sure, she had found out about the kiss with Rose, but he promised her it was a one-time thing. She had to have faith. She had to try and trust him.

_She was waiting on him. She closed her eyes and relaxed. The Ferry calmed her. Soon she felt a pair of hands run down her arms and a pair of lips kiss her neck. _

"_Hey baby!" she squealed. She missed him. _

"_Hey Mer. I was looking for you, I'm sorry it took me so long." Derek replied._

"_Its ok baby."_

"_Mer, I need to talk to you." Derek said, sounding unsure. Meredith could tell when Derek was nervous or anxious. It showed in his voice. _

"_Is everything ok, Derek?" she asked, her eyes wide with anticipation. She knew something was up. Is he leaving her? Is he not in love with her anymore?_

_Derek walked around and leaned down in front of her. "Meredith Grey, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you, and have bunches of kids. Please do me the honor? Marry me?" he said lifting a small black velvet box._

_Meredith sat speechless. A crowd had gathered, awaiting her answer. She had never expected this so soon. Is it too soon? _

"_Ok, yes Derek! I will marry you." She exclaimed. The crowd clapped and congratulated the newly engaged couple. He slipped the ring on her finger and twirled her around in circles. He was in love._

She couldn't do this anymore. She grabbed her purse and headed back to her car. As soon as the Ferry docked she drove towards Joe's. She was a grown woman and she couldn't even drink in her own home anymore without being questioned. She pulled into the parking lot and walked in the front door. It had been so long since she had been here. She hadn't seen Joe since he stopped by right after Delia was born.

"Hey Joe" said Meredith.

"Hey Meredith! Long time no see! How is Delia? I bet she's getting so big!" Replied Joe.

"Yeah. She's beautiful. She's looking more like her father everyday."Meredith looked away feeling awkward that she mentioned Derek.

"Where is the peanut now?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"Lexie's watching her to give me some time to myself today. I really needed it." Meredith said.

"I understand Meredith. I hope things get better. Here's a shot on the house." He said with a smile on his face. He set a glass in front of her and helped another customer.

----------------------------------------------------

Derek gathered the rest of his clothes and put them in his car. He took one last look around and headed out the door. He was a mess. He needed to talk to someone. He pulled out his cell phone.

"Hey Derek" said Mark.

"Hey Mark, are you busy tonight? I need someone to talk to." Replied Derek.

"Well, I have a few more things to finish up at the hospital, but I can meet you at Joe's in a bit." Mark suggested.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll see you in a bit." Derek said. He put his phone is his pocket. He dropped off his stuff at his hotel room and headed over to Joe's.

Derek noticed Meredith's car in the parking lot. His heart skipped a beat. He walked in the bar and quickly looked around in search of the blonde-haired woman. Nowhere to be found.

Maybe it just looked like her car. He walked over to the bar and sat down. "Scotch, just the way I like it Joe." Derek said. He looked around, still not convinced that she wasn't there.

"Hey Derek. Here ya go. Are you two ever gonna work things out? I've never seen two people more miserable than Meredith and you."

"I miss her, but I don't know how to get her back. I see her everywhere. I know I'm going crazy. I could have sworn her car was outside." Derek replied. He took a sip of his drink.

"She went to the bathroom. Why don't you talk to her?" Joe suggested. Derek looked up with hope in his eyes.

"I've tried. She won't give me a chance. She doesn't trust me." Derek said.

"Look. If you love her, you have to fight for as long as it takes. She might not trust you now but if you keep trying she might notice a change." Joe said as he walked off. Derek had to fight. He reached into his pocket to retrieve his buzzing cell.

"Hey Mark, are you almost done?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, I got pulled into emergency surgery, I'm sorry man. I'll call you in just a bit." Mark replied.

"Ok, Bye man." Derek said. He closed his phone. This is great. He decided to stay there and try and talk to Meredith.

About twenty minutes later, Derek started to get worried. He motioned for him to come over to where he was sitting at the bar.

"Joe, how long has she been in there?" he asked, an upset look on his face.

"I don't know, a while though. Maybe you should check on her, she was drinking a lot tonight." Joe said, concerned also.

Derek got up and walked around to the bathrooms. He knocked on the girl's bathroom door. Dead Silence.

"She's been in there forever!" Said a pissed off woman waiting in the hallway. Derek knocked on the door again. He was getting worried.

"Meredith if you don't open up I'm coming in there!" he yelled angrily. He continued to bang loudly. He ran down the hall and up to the bar.

"Joe, do you have a key for the bathroom? I think something's wrong with Meredith." Derek said, out of breath. He grabbed it out of Joe's hand and ran back towards the hall, pushing through people on the way.

He pushed the key into the lock and nearly stopped breathing when he saw her pale, small frame on the floor. She was unconscious and was covered in vomit. She was breathing, but it was faint. He scooped her cold body off of the floor and ran out the door, heading straight for Seattle Grace.


	7. Storm

**Hey guys. This was by far my fav. chapter I have written. This song "storm" by lifehouse means a lot to me, so i wanted to use it for the theme of this chapter. For those of you that don't know it you can go to youtube and type in storm-lifehouse. Thank you for all your reviews! They really encourage me!**

_

* * *

Storm_

**How long have I been in this storm?  
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form  
Water's getting harder to tread  
With these waves crashing over my head**

"SOMEBODY HELP! PLEASE. PAGE THE CHIEF!" Derek screamed in a panic as he ran into emergency room. Everyone stopped what they were doing, in shock. One of the nurses held open the door of an exam room while Derek carried her in and set her on the gurney. "She needs an orotracheal intubation" Derek demanded.

He sat in a daze as the nurses, Dr. Bailey and the chief, Dr. Webber worked on his Meredith. "She's seizing," Bailey said in a panic. Please let her live. Please let her be ok. "Somebody get him out of here, now!" Bailey demanded. Derek couldn't be in there. He couldn't take it. One of the nurses escorted Derek into another empty room. "Will you page Dr. Sloan to this room please… " He asked the nurse calmly. "Sure Dr. Shepherd." She said as she walked towards the door and shut it behind her. All he wanted was to be with her and hold her hand. Let her know he was there. Mark had come into the room with Derek while they were working on Meredith down the hall. Mark felt bad for him, he knew that he was still in love with her.

**  
If I could just see you  
everything would be all right  
if I'd see you  
this darkness would turn to light**

**And I will walk on water  
And you will catch me if I fall  
And I will get lost into your eyes  
I know everything will be alright  
I know everything is alright**

Meredith lay stable in her bed, but still in a coma induced from alcohol poisoning. She was hooked up to numerous tubes and machines but she was breathing without assistance. Derek walked into the room and sat next to the bed. He wasn't leaving until she was okay.

Bailey walked into the room. Her heart melted at the sight of a distraught Derek. She walked over to the foot of the bed with Meredith's chart in her hand. "She should be fine Derek, but you need to talk to her about what happened. Her blood alcohol level was a .29." She said with concern. "Okay, I will. Thank you so much for everything Miranda." He replied. She nodded her head and walked out of the room. He reached for her hand and just sat with her.

A couple of hours passed and Derek had fallen into a light sleep in the chair. He heard a moan and his eyes shot open. She was awake. She was moving. He rushed to the bed and grabbed her hand. She looked up into his eyes and their gazes locked.

She didn't know where she was. All she knew is that Derek was there, and he was holding her hand. She slowly tried to sit up but everything hurt. She was in the hospital.

"Derek, what happened?" she asked, unsure of what would come.

"You passed out at Joe's in the bathroom. You had Alcohol Poisoning." He replied, with a sad look in his blue eyes. "You almost died Mer. I almost lost you." He added hoping she would accept him back into her heart.

"Oh my god. Derek, I'm so sorry. I've failed at everything." She replied.

"You need to get help. And I want to be there for everything Mer. Our daughter needs us. Please give me a chance. I want to try again. I miss you Mer. I don't want to lose you again. I'm willing to do whatever it takes." He pleaded.

"Derek, why did you leave me in the first place?" She asked, with tears in her eyes, threatening to fall from her face.

**I know you didn't bring me out here to drown  
So why am I ten feet under and upside down  
Barely surviving has become my purpose  
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface**

**  
**"Mer, I don't know. I was scared. You were never home and I was alone. I hate being alone. But I swear to you that I didn't divorce you for her. I was alone for months before I started talking to her again. I know that you know I cheated, but I made a mistake. Everyday I go on without you I realize just how much I need you to breathe. I need you in everything I do. I need our daughter, our life we started. Please Mer, I will fight everyday to get you to see it. I know you think I'm the biggest ass in the world, but I want you. I'm in love with you so much my heartaches when I'm not with you. " Derek responded, shocking Meredith.

She had tears spilling down her face. She wanted him so bad. She wanted Delia to be there with him, too. He sat down in the bed and held her while she wept all of her worries away.

**If I could just see you  
Everything would be all right  
If I'd see you  
This darkness would turn to light  
And I will walk on water  
And you will catch me if I fall  
And I know everything will be alright  
I know everything will be alright**

Meredith had cried herself to sleep. Derek didn't remember how long he had held her but it didn't matter. He had helped her feel better for a least a little bit. That all in itself was a start. She had touched him back. She had cried to him. Somehow he knew things might be all right.


	8. Never Again

_Never Again_

The next day Meredith was feeling a lot better, but that was an understatement. She was severely dehydrated. They were running an IV to help her, so she would need to stay one more night. Derek hadn't left the hospital yet. He was there through everything. He wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon either.

He walked into the waiting area of the hospital to get a cup of coffee from the cart. He had put it all out there for her. He told her how he felt and she listened. What do I do now? Does this mean were ok? He didn't want to ever see her hurt again. He found the nearest empty seat and let the chair hold his weight, as he finally relaxed enough to close his eyes.

_"Meredith I can't do this shit anymore. I'm not a priority to you and I'm your fucking husband! All you do is work constantly. You never want to see me anymore. You just bitch about being tired all the damn time!" Derek spat at her._

"_Derek, I'm a first year resident! What do you expect? You have gone through this before, so why are you treating me like you don't know what its like to work in a hospital. I'm trying to do well in my job. Could you at least act like you care about my career at all?" she replied. _

"_I know damn well what its like Meredith. But I still made time for Addison. We made it work. You pick up extra shifts for no reason at all. You stay late to help out, while I just sit here and wait. I'm tired of waiting Meredith. I either want you to try harder or this is done. We aren't the same as we used to be. We're drifting apart." Derek said, with sadness overwhelming his voice._

"_Derek I am trying. I'm fucking working my ass off to help pay bills. I want to be a good surgeon just like you are. That doesn't mean I should put my career on the backburner because you can't be alone for a couple of hours. We do have time together. We're fucking doctors Derek. How much time do you expect we get! We chose this career." She replied. The anger was rising in her chest. How had they come to this?_

"_If you were smart enough to go to medical school, you should be able to find time to spend with your husband." He said with a smirk._

"_Fuck you Derek." She said as she ran up the stairs towards their master bedroom. She turned on the shower and started to undress, tears running freely. She stepped into the steam, letting the warmth wrap her body and she felt herself start to relax. She let the beads of water run down her face and she closed her eyes and cleared her mind. _

_She felt arms envelop her from behind and lips press against her neck. "Derek, please. Just go, ok?" she pleaded. He knew how to get her and she hated that. "Mer, baby. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. You know I love you. I'm just stressed out from work and all. I just want us to work out." _

_She looked up at him with her emerald eyes. They were silently begging him to make it better. Her eyes said it all. He slowly leaned forward and kissed her lips with a passion so strong, her legs could barley hold her. He picked her up and pushed her against the shower wall and wrapped her legs around him, kissing every inch of her he could get his lips on. She could feel his hardness pressing against her. "Make up sex?" she whispered, with a grin on her face. "Make up sex" he repeated smirking back at her. She twisted her hips in just the right way so he could gain entrance into the place that would make them one. He thrust into her causing a moan to escape from her parted lips, making him go weak in the knees. He quickened his pace, making her call out his name, losing control of her senses. He could feel her tense up, surrounding him in warmth, sending him over the edge. _

He had to fight for this. He had to. Derek loved her so much, but couldn't just let it be. These memories were twisting his insides. This is his entire fault, the drinking, the depression, and the sadness. He finally opened his eyes, seeing Izzie across the room struggling to keep Delia under control. His daughter, his beautiful baby daughter. She was screaming and crying uncontrollably and Izzie had a panicked look on her face. Derek got up and made his was over to them.

"May I, Izzie?" he asked, longing to hold his daughter for the first time. He prayed she would let him.

"Are you sure Derek? I mean Mer- "

"I think Meredith will be okay with it" Derek interrupted, reaching out for her. The minute that Derek held his daughter, she stopped crying. He held her close, looking into her deep blue eyes and immediately fell in love. He couldn't ever leave her or Meredith again. Izzie handed him a bottle and he leaned her back, feeding it to her in awe that this living being was created by him. That day in the shower, their love made her. He felt guilty that they had been fighting that day. They had created a beautiful thing together and he just threw it all away. Never again.


	9. Everything

_Everything_

Derek reluctantly handed Delia back to Izzie, retrieving his beeping pager out of his pocket. He had been sitting there for three hours, but it only felt like a few minutes. He could never get enough time with his daughter. He made his way through the hallways, stopping quickly to change into scrubs, and proceeded to the ER to see what was going on.

Bailey was waiting by the doors, so he knew he had a few minutes before his case would be there. He needed to check on Meredith, but he wouldn't have been paged unless it was important, so he would have to wait. The ambulance pulled up and the paramedics opened the back, and he saw Bailey run up to the stretcher, listening to stats on the way through the doors.

"Ok people! We have a female, unidentified, 23 years old, two car accident. She has been unconscious since found at the scene. Her right pupil is blown. They believe that her head hit the windshield."

"Ok, Bailey, lets get her up to CT, and i want a full work up. I think she's probably going to have to have surgery. Lets go!" Derek yelled as he took off down the hallway.

About twenty minutes later, Derek sat at the table studying the CT scans of the young woman. "She's got a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage and we need to operate immediately. Go prep her for surgery and meed me in the OR as soon as possible." Derek said to the intern, and he jumped up and shot out the door. Derek put his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths before getting up and heading to the scrub room.

----------------------------------------------------

Meredith stirred awake, seeing Izzie sitting in the chair next to her bed knitting a blanket. She slowly sat up and looked around, half expecting to see Derek in the room. She put her hand to her head, the pounding nearly unbearable, so she lay back down and looked over at her.

"Do you need anything Mer?" Izzie said with a smile, as she sat her knittng down and stood up from the chair. Meredith didn't know what to expect. She knew that she had let all of her friends down. Most of all, she had let down Delia. She couldn't even be a good mom. Why was Izzie being nice?

"No Iz, I'm fine." She nodded and sat back down, resuming her knitting. We both sat in silence for what seemed like ages. "I'm sorry." She said to Izzie, not even recognizing her own voice as it came from her mouth. Meredith broke down crying, realizing the extent to what I had done.

"Mer, listen. No one is mad at you. We just want you to be healthy. You have Delia to care for and you aren't being responsible. Just please promise you will get help. Please Meredith?" Izzie pleaded with a look of worry in her eyes. It was breaking Meredith's heart. She was truly sorry for what she had done.

"Ok. Iz, I'll get help. We will call a psychiatrist first thing in the morning. That or I will go to a support group." Meredith responded. "Thank you Mer." Izzie smiled at Meredith, and walked over to the bed with her knitting.

"I'm making Delia a Baby Blanket, ya know, kind of a late birth present." Izzie said beaming. Meredith's heart sunk. Her friends still supported her after the horrible person she's been. "Oh, Iz. You didn't have to do that."

"Don't mention. it." Izzie replied.

"Iz, who has been watching Delia today? And where is Derek?" Meredith asked, with a look of concern. What if he had left again. Maybe he thought he couldn't handle all of this again.

"Well, Derek watched her most of the afternoon, and then he got paged to the ER, so Lexie's got her right now. I can call her if you would like to see her" Izzie said.

"Derek watched her? But I thought he didn't want anything to do with her Iz." Meredith said, wide-eyed.

"He actually came up and asked me. He's a natural with her. Its amazing how much of a bond a parent can form with their child, in just the first few hours. He loves her, and I can tell he's still in love with you. He wants to be apart of everything, Mer."

"I just don't know. He hurt me so bad, but i know I can't keep her from him. I just don't want to get my heart broken again."

"Just do what feels right. Your the only one that can decide what your heart wants. I'm gonna go grab something from the cafeteria. I'll be back ok?" Izzie said as she made her way towards the door.

"Okay" Meredith said as she relaxed into her pillow. She turned on the tv and started flipping through, finding nothing interesting to watch. A nurse came in and checked her vitals and replaced the bag on her iv, smiling at her as she headed back out into the hallway. Meredith was alone again, and it was not a feeling that she enjoyed. She just wanted someone to love her. Someone who would love her and never leave.

---------------------------------------

"Hey Lexie" Finn said as he walked up to her in the waiting area. "Thanks for calling me and updating me on Meredith, I've been worried about her." He said with a friendly smile.

"No problem. She should be going home tomorrow. Iz is up there and she said she would come tell me when she's awake, so it would probably be better if we wait down here." Lexie replied, trying to keep a fussy Delia happy.

"Do you mind if I hold her?" Finn asked.

"Sure." Lexie replied, handing her over. "I'm gonna run to the restroom, ok?"

"Go head, I've got her." He said making faces at the 5-week old.


	10. Collide

_Collide_

Derek walked out of the OR. He was so stressed out, and now he had lost his patient ten minutes into surgery. He pulled off his mask and threw it in the trash and continued on to wash his hands. After finishing up in the scrub room he walked to the nurses station and informed them that when they found the family, they needed to page him. He needed to go see Meredith, he had already waited until after surgery. When he walked into her room, she was alone and asleep. Izzie walked up behind him.

"She just fell asleep. I think we should let her rest. I'll stay up here with her if you want to go see Delia again Derek." Izzie said.

"Ok, thank you Izzie. I'm really glad that I'm getting to spend time with her. Its like a part of me feels whole again. I have her to look forward to." He said with a smile.

"Derek, I know that you are happy that you are getting to know your daughter and all, but please don't hurt Meredith again. I don't think she could take it." Izzie said.

"I know. I just want us to be a family again. I made a mistake." He said as he turned to walk towards the elevator. The ride to the waiting room was full of anticipation. He just wanted to hold his daughter again. He smiled as he thought of all of the dance recitals, school projects, and fathers day cards would be in the future. All of that turned sour as the smile left his face. "What the hell" he said quietly as he made his way off of the elevator. Was he really seeing this? He tried to compose himself as he walked towards the man that was holding his daughter.

"I would really appreciate it if you would hand me my daughter and walk out of my hospital" he spat at Finn, who was feeding Delia a bottle. Finn looked up into Derek's eyes, seeing the rage that was taking over.

"Derek, I was just watching her while Lexie went to to the bathroom. What did you expect me to do? Leave her by herself" he said as he put her into her car seat that was sitting on the floor. Derek watched him buckle her in. The pain and anger Derek was feeling was overwhelming. That man was touching his daughter.

"Who the hell do you think you are! I want you to leave now!" Derek said in a low tone. He was about to snap.

"Derek, I think this is up to Meredith. I have been here for her throughout this whole thing. You weren't there when Meredith was so pregnant she could barley get down the stairs. And what about the first time Delia opened her eyes, her first bath, Derek. You weren't there. You keep hurting Mer and if you keep this up Delia might not have a mom. She almost drank herself to death because of you." Finn shot back.

"You think I don't feel guilty about that? I want to be apart of her life! I want to start over. I still love Meredith, and I'm not just going to sit back and watch some other man hold my daughter, let alone fuck my ex-wife in MY house!"

He felt a fist collide with his face, and the next thing he knew, he was looking at the ceiling. His head was pounding and Izzie was standing over him trying to help him up.

"Derek, are you ok? You've been out for almost five minutes." she said.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Where is that asshole?" He replied sitting up with a hand to his temple. He was never going to hear the end of this from Meredith.

"He left Derek. What the hell happened? He gave Delia to Lexie without saying a word and stormed out the front door."

"He was holding my daughter! That's what happened. I yelled at him and he punched me!" Derek said trying to stand up. Izzie helped him into a chair.

"Why are you so angry about him holding Delia? He was just trying to help Derek" Izzie replied.

"Look, I know that you don't care too much about me after what I did to Mer, but i'm not gonna let her boyfriend hold my daughter in my presence." He said.

"Meredith doesn't have a boyfriend Derek" she said with a serious look on her face.

"They aren't dating?" He said, embarrassment washing over his face.

"No Derek. They are friends. He's engaged." She replied.

"Oh my god." he said as he put his head into his hands.

Meredith was going to kill him...

* * *

**this chapter was tough. so he was making progress with Mer, and now he's started a fight with finn...sucks to be Derek!! what do you guys think???**


	11. Sober

Sober

**4 weeks later**

Meredith sat in a big leather chair waiting on Dr. Broughton. She really didn't want to be there, but she was doing this for her family. Her head was full with thoughts of the events that had taken place in her life over the past few weeks. Derek fighting for his family, the hospital stay, Derek's fight with Finn…

"Hello Miss Grey. How are you today? Have you done any better since out last visit? Stayed busy?" The doctor said, pulling Meredith out of her daydream.

"Yes. I have been completely sober. I go back to work in a week and Derek has agreed to help me with Delia so that I can get everything under control. " She replied, worried about what he would say.

"Are you sure that you are ready for Derek to be apart of your life again? I mean, do you think it will be good for you?" He asked, raising his brow.

"Yeah I think so. He's staying in the spare bedroom at my house. Everyone agreed that I should have someone at the house with me at all times to make sure I'm doing ok. I know that in the past meetings we have had, we discussed the Finn situation, and how Derek's anger was out of control, but I think he's improving. He's really enjoying the time he gets with Delia." She explained, with a look of confidence. "Were not together though. I am only doing this for Delia…"

"I know Meredith but being with your friends and family right now will cheer you up, and Derek gives you extra help with Delia, so you can relax."

"I just am worried the he might blow up on me. He was so angry with Finn and that was a very small situation, but he promised me it was just a misunderstanding. They apologized to each other, but I still get uneasy about it" Meredith said, as her emotions took a rapid turn in content. "I am still in love with him. I can't breathe around him. I don't know what to do." She said, with tears forming in her eyes.

"If you are still in love with him, you should talk to him about it. You need to be completely honest with each other to re-form a connection. Things might be different this time, now that you have a baby together." Dr. Broughton said with a smile. Why did she need him? Why him? After all of the pain and the hurt in their relationship, he was the only one that could help her breathe. Maybe things would be different this time. Maybe they would be a happy-ever-after couple and live in the perfect world.

_Yeah…right._

After talking for another thirty minutes, Meredith shook hands with Dr. Broughton and headed towards the parking lot. She had another week before her next meeting. She climbed into the car and laid her seat back and closed her eyes. After a few minutes of contemplation, she turned the key into the ignition and headed for the house.

When she entered into the kitchen from the garage, all of the downstairs lights weren't on, and there was a note on the counter about some left over dinner for her in the fridge. She kicked off her shoes and threw everything in the kitchen floor next to the door. Cristina and Izzie were still at work so she knew it was just Derek and Delia there. She slowly pushed the door to the nursery in just enough to see the cutest thing in the world. Derek was passed out asleep, while holding his daughter in his arms.

Meredith smiled to herself as she made it back down the stairs without a peep to get the refrigerator. She pulled out a green tea and took a huge swig and set the bottle back down on the table. She kept hearing a weird noise coming from Derek's jacket on the coat rack. She walked over to it and found his buzzing cell phone with the words "_ROSE CELL_" flashing across the screen. She was fuming. Before she got a chance to answer, she heard a soft knock at the front door. She made her way through the hall and opened it just to look back at Rose, with small tears trickling down her face.

"What the hell are you doing at my house!" Meredith said with fury building in her eyes. Things between her and Derek were just starting to look up. They were actually friends again. And now Rose was here.

"Meredith, I mean no harm. We need to talk, ok?" Rose replied, her tears running more freely now.

"No, you are not coming in my house. This conversation is ove-"

"Meredith, I, I'm pregnant. " Rose said cutting Meredith off, only to have a blank stare shot back at her.


	12. Not Tonight

_Not Tonight_

"What?" Meredith said, her voice cracking. No. Please not now. Things are just now working out for the better. Why is this happening. Maybe its not his. Maybe she's lying. No. Please….

"I'm Pregnant. I just found out today. I didn't know where to find Derek, so I asked around at the hospital and found out he was staying here. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what else to do." Rose said, with tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Why are you doing this to me! Why! You took him from me, out of our marriage. He left me and ignored the fact that I was pregnant. For you! What the hell! Why can't I just be happy? Why!" Meredith screamed as sobs overtook her body. She fell to the floor and curled up in the fetal position. Rose didn't know what to do. She just stood there watching Meredith fall apart. Her heart was breaking for the small woman in the doorway. She didn't know what to say.

She just ran, and didn't stop.

Meredith cried and cried for so long she lost track of time. She finally sat up and walked around the kitchen back and forth. She grabbed her keys and got into her car and pulled out of the driveway, not even bothering with the seatbelt. She drove, almost like clockwork, to the nearest liquor store and bought a bottle of tequila. She calmly walked back to her car and drove back to the house. She grabbed the brown sack, as she headed in the door, thinking of the lovely, numb feeling she would get as soon as she opened the lid. She could drink it all away. She could end her pain.

But she couldn't open it. She just sat staring at it, unable to move her body.

* * *

Derek opened his eyes and softly sat up. He stood, and set a sleeping Delia into the crib. He walked into the guest bedroom and snuggled into the sheets. Sleep. He needed sleep. He worried about Meredith. He wanted to protect her from anything that would ever hurt her again. His eyes slowly closed, taking in a world where everything was perfect.

"_Come on daddy! Push me higher!" Screamed a bubbly blonde four-year old, on a swing set. _

"_Ok Peanut, I'll try and send you to the moon!" He said laughing as her eyes got wider at the comment. _

"_Daddy, can you really send me to the moon? I want to go!" She yelled as her feet went higher and higher into the air._

"_Maybe one day sweetheart." He said, smiling at the innocence of children._

_He heard Meredith yell from the back porch, to tell them that lunch was ready. He grabbed his daughter from the swing and set her down. _

"_Race?" He said, smirking. He took off running chasing after his beautiful child. _

_Derek sat down and took in his perfect family. Delia was close to hitting ten years old, he had a son around six, a daughter around four, and Meredith was about 7 months pregnant. She had cooked a wonderful lunch for all of them and they just sat enjoying each other's company. He was in love. His family meant the world to him… A family where he never let them feel pain. _

Derek jumped awake. Something was wrong. He had a bad feeling. He nearly fell out of bed, not realizing he was wrapped in his sheets when he tried to stand up. He regained his composure and took off out the door and over to the nursery, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. Delia was resting peacefully. Meredith… What about Meredith? He took off towards her bedroom, but the bed was empty. Maybe she was in the kitchen? He made his way down the stairs and nearly had a heart attack at the sight before him. Meredith. Meredith with tequila bottle. Meredith alone with tequila bottle. She didn't even acknowledge his presence as he swiped it from in front of her face and proceeded with pouring the whole-unopened bottle down the sink.

After every last drop had disappeared, he walked back over the counter and sat in front of her. She looked horrible. She had black circles under her eyes, her mascara was everywhere, and she looked like she hadn't moved in hours.

"Meredith, honey, what's wrong?" Derek said, full of concern and worry.

She just stared at him. No movement, no blinking. Just staring straight ahead. He was starting to get really worried. Maybe he should call Izzie or something.

"Meredith, if you don't tell me anything, I won't know what's wrong. " He said reaching for her hand. She jerked it back and reached for his phone sitting on the other side of the counter. She slid it over to him and stopped it right in front of his hand. He picked it up and looked at it. Dozens of missed calls from Rose. He must have found his phone.

"MER! I NEVER TALKED TO HER I SWEAR!" He said panicking. She probably thought that he was cheating again.

"I know." Meredith replied, still no emotions, of movement in her body.

"Then what is wrong?" He said, feeling his adrenaline start to cease.

"Rose is pregnant, Derek." She said, finally looking into his eyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

Derek felt as if a cruel joke was being played on him. He felt like someone stabbed a fiery knife into his chest and twisted it. He felt as if the whole world was laughing at him. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't possibly have a child with someone he wasn't even in love with. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to be with Rose but he couldn't abandon his child.

"Are you sure, mer? Did she tell you or did you hear a rumor." He said, still hoping for a miracle.

"She came by earlier. Right after I made it home. I had just checked on you and Delia in the nursery and when I came down to the kitchen I heard your phone buzzing. Then she showed up and told me." Meredith explained.

"So, where is she now?"

"Derek, she left. I yelled at her. I'm sorry. I just don't want you to leave again. It's like no matter what happens you always drift away from me. I just don't know what to say."

"You know I didn't want this right? I broke up with her before I knew. We haven't had sex in over two months Meredith. I swear." He said, his blue eyes pleading for an absolution.

"I know Derek. What do you want me to do. What are you going to do? You need to talk to her. I can't stop you from that."

Derek picked up his cell and called Rose. No answer. He left a message. What was going on? Why didn't Rose come to him? Meredith couldn't handle this.

Derek heard his pager for the hospital going off. He had a 911. Derek pleaded to Meredith to just hold on until he could comeback and talk. He kissed her forehead and ran out the door heading for Seattle Grace.

* * *

Derek quickly changed into his scrubs and frantically tried to put on his lab coat as he heard his pager begin to go off again. He headed for the exam room. As he entered, he asked for details. He saw the looks of his coworkers. He felt the hands touching him. He heard the symptoms being called out, but all he could see was the all too familiar brown hair amidst the blood and disfiguration of a woman named Rose. 


	13. Never Leave Your Heart Alone

_Never leave your Heart Alone_

Derek didn't know how to react to the sight before him. He felt like everything was moving in slow motion. He wasn't crying, he was just in shock.

"It was a hit and run. The car hit her from behind and sped off, but the police located the driver about twenty minutes ago, and have him in custody down at the station." Erica Hahn informed Derek. "We need to get her into surgery now, so take a look at the CT's we had ordered. She got hit pretty hard, and she has an aortic tear from the impact so were going to be operating together. We also have a neonatal specialist to be supervising the baby's heart rate."

So she really was pregnant. Derek's thoughts were flooding him as he made his way towards the OR. Could he do this? He had to. What if she died? He was still in love with Meredith, but he nor Mer would never wish death on Rose. She was only human. "Please let there be a miracle." He whispered to himself as he made his way into the OR.

* * *

A couple of hours later Izzie made her way home from the hospital. She sat her keys down by the front door and headed for the stairs. When she passed the kitchen she noticed an empty tequila bottle on the counter. "MER!" Izzie yelled hoping for an answer. She sprinted up the stairs and into Meredith's room. Her first thought was that Meredith had passed out in bed. She rushed to the side of the bed and started shaking Meredith, hoping for a response.

"What the hell!" Yelled Meredith.

"OH, you're alive… "

"Um…Yeah! Why would you think otherwise?" Meredith said with a confused look on her face….

"Well you know, just the EMPTY tequila bottle downstairs." Izzie said sternly.

"I didn't drink it Iz." Meredith said.

"You didn't?"

"No. Derek poured it down the sink. I never drank it; I just sat and looked at it after what happened with Rose. I couldn't help it. I was so sad about the whole situation."

"Honestly, I didn't expect you to be this upset about it? I mean, I though you hated her Mer" Izzie said, halfheartedly laughing. Mer wondered how Izzie knew what happened that night. She must have talked to Derek at the hospital.

"How could I not be upset. I mean what are we going to do? Will Derek leave me for her again? How will Delia deal with this when she's older?" Meredith said rambling.

"What the hell are you talking about Mer? What does Delia have to do with this?" Izzie said, her face contorted with confusion.

"You know, about Rose being pregnant."

"ROSE IS PREGNANT!" Izzie shrieked.

"Yeah, didn't you know? I thought that was what we were talking about." Meredith replied. "Wait…what are you talking about. What happened with Rose?"

"She was hit by a car tonight. She's in surgery with Hahn and Derek right now. She's pretty bad Mer."

"Oh my god. I had no idea. Is she going to live?"

"They don't know yet." Izzie said, worried that Meredith wouldn't know how to handle all of this.

* * *

Derek walked out of the OR and straight to the nearest chair. How was her going to get through this whole thing with Meredith? He sat in silence for a few minutes and grabbed his scrub cap off of his head and threw it on the floor. After no movement, he suddenly got up and ran down the hallway into a stairwell and fell to the floor crying, face in his hands.

A few seconds later, Mark ran in the same door and slid down to the floor next to Derek. After a few moments of silence Mark finally put a hand on Derek's shoulder.

"Man I'm sorry. No one should have to experience a loss like that. Are you gonna be ok?"

"Yeah. I just want to get home to Meredith" Derek said.

Mark didn't have to say anything else. He knew that Derek was and always had been in love with Meredith. He just didn't use his head.

Derek squeezed Mark's shoulder in return and then slowly got up and made his way towards the parking lot, wanting to see Meredith more than ever.


	14. Movin' On

_Movin' On_

Derek sat in his car but couldn't bring himself to drive. He couldn't believe he had lost a child. He slowly got out of the car and walked back into the front doors of Seattle Grace, not looking at anything or anyone in his path. He stepped onto the elevator and rode the silent ride to the 4th floor. He walked straight to the nurse's station and asked them to page Dr. Smith, the neonatal specialist.

After about ten minutes, she walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"How are you Derek, I know that his has been a hard night for you. Have you been to see Rose?" She asked.

"I can't bring myself to do it yet. I know that she's not responding after the surgery, but I'm still trying to grasp everything else. This whole night has been a blur for me." He said, finally looking into her eyes.

"Derek, I imagine it's hard for anyone to lose a child, no matter if it was unborn." She explained. She knew that she couldn't help him, but talking was better than nothing at all.

"I know Dr. Smith. Could you do me a favor?" He asked, preparing himself.

"Yeah, sure. Anything you need Derek." She replied.

"Could you tell me how far along she was, if you could tell?" He asked, waiting on edge for her answer.

"Oh Derek, she wasn't very far at all, maybe five or six weeks. But its still hard either way." Derek's eyes shot open. Wait. That isn't right.

"Are you sure? No mistake?" He asked. This doesn't make any sense.

"Yes I'm positive." She responded.

"Ok, well, maybe I will go visit her, what room is she in again?"

"She's in the ICU, so you can just go down to the nurses station and ask them. It was good talking to you. If you need anything, just give me a page. " She replied with a smile as she walked off in the opposite direction.

He grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Meredith's phone telling her that he would be home in an hour or so.

Derek made his way to the ICU. He didn't know what to feel anymore. He had gone from worrying about losing Meredith, to being upset about losing his child, to finding out that Rose might have been having an affair. He hadn't had sex with her for two months. How could she only be five to six weeks pregnant?

He walked into her glass-encased room and sat down in the chair next to her limp body. She was hooked to tubes every-which way. She looked horrible. She was missing most of her hair, which was replaced by gauze after Derek had performed her surgery, and she was pretty beat up. She had scratches and stitches all over her face from where she had been drug against the pavement. Derek winced as he remembered picking glass shards out of her skin from the windshield when she arrived in the OR. He somewhat felt sorry for her.

That would change very soon.

He sat there for about twenty minutes, looking at her unresponsive face. She was in a coma. As soon as he stood up, a man walked in. He looked very worn out, tired. He looked distraught. The man looked up at Derek with anticipation.

"Are you the doctor? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?" The man spilled. He needed to know what was wrong. He walked over to Rose and picked up her hand.

"She is in a coma. She just had extensive brain and heart surgery so she is going to need a lot of recovery. The baby didn't make it, I'm sorry. Are you a family member?" Derek replied.

"No, I'm not, I'm sorry. I'm dating her. This baby was our first." He said, with a tear rolling down his cheek. "I just don't understand why she was out in the street in the middle of the night."

Derek had an epiphany. He was nearly beaming. The baby wasn't his. Rose was cheating. He could go home and tell his Meredith that everything would work out and Rose would be behind them.

"How long have you been together?" Derek asked. He felt wrong not telling the man, but this way he could walk away.

"Oh, about three months now. I love her so much. I know we haven't known each other long, but I've fallen for her." He replied.

"I've got to go, but I'll be back tomorrow to check on her. It was nice to meet you." He said as he walked out of the room smiling. He was smiling inside and out. She got caught in a lie.

Derek finally made it back down to his car, actually feeling like he could put it into drive this time. He turned on the street, looking forward to seeing Meredith. He could actually tell her something she wanted to hear. Something that wouldn't hurt her.

If he had actually been in love with Rose, this would have probably been more upsetting him. Finding out his girlfriend was cheating and got pregnant by another man. Derek did care, but he had more important things going on in his life. He had to fix it with Meredith. That was the most important. Meredith and Delia were his world and he owed it to them to always be there from now on. With that he knew in his mind that he would never need anyone else again. No one but his family.

* * *

Meredith and Izzie sat on the couch attempting to watch a movie. Izzie could barely stand to look over at Meredith who looked like a train-wreck. She knew that the shit would hit the fan when Derek got home. He had called earlier to tell her when to expect him. He didn't tell her any details of what was going on but Meredith thought it would be best for him to tell her at the house. She was worried sick about the whole Rose situation all day. What if Derek wanted to keep the baby? What if he decided to go back to Rose. UHHH! Why was she thinking these things!

"Izzie, I'm about to lose my mind." Meredith said, turning down the volume on the TV.

"Mer, everything will be ok, just wait until Derek gets home to tell you what happened." Izzie replied, bouncing a happy Delia in her lap. She was in a great mood today.

"Ok, Iz. Do you want something to eat? I'm craving Pizza." Meredith asked as she picked up the phone to place an order.

"That sounds fine to me." Izzie said.

About twenty minutes later the pizza arrived and they sat on the couch eating it and finishing up the movie. They heard Derek's car door slam outside, and Meredith threw down her slice and scrambled to stand up, just as Derek made his way through the door.

He was smiling. Rose was pregnant and in the hospital, how could he be smiling?

He walked over to her and picked her up and twirled her around.

"Derek, are you ok?" She asked. Something wasn't right.

"As ok as I'll ever be Mer! We're going to be ok. I can feel it." He replied grinning ear to ear.

"But what about Rose? I want to know what happened, Derek. Shouldn't you be upset!" She said unsure of what he would say.

"Okay sit down mer." He said. "Rose is six weeks pregnant. Or was anyway."

"Okay Derek. And you're happy about that?" She said through gritted teeth.

"Of course not. Anyway, She lost the baby. But Dr. Smith told me she was six weeks. I haven't had sex with her in two months. It wasn't my baby." He said. Meredith's eyes started to glimmer. She actually looked a little better.

"And, to top it off. A man came into her room to visit her and he told me that they have been dating for about three months, which means she was having an affair. So it was all a lie, Mer."

"This is just to much Derek. I can't believe that. Is she going to be ok though? With the surgery and all?" Meredith asked, happy but concerned.

"She's in a coma, so we will have to continue to run some tests tomorrow. " He said.

Meredith reached out and grabbed Derek's hand. Maybe things would start to look up….


	15. Unlike Me

_Unlike me_

Derek woke up to the sunlight peeking in through the curtains. He slowly stretched every limb away from his body and slid his feet down onto the cold wooden floor. He actually had a day off from work. He knew that they wanted to take things slow and just start as friends, but being this much closer to her and Delia made all of the difference. He knew it would take a lot of work just to get through the stress of what had happened with Rose, but Meredith seemed willing to try and get past it.

He slipped on some pajama pants over his boxers, as well as a T-shirt, and headed down the hallway towards the nursery to check on Delia, who was starting to whimper.

"Shhh Shhh sweet girl" he said as he cradled her into his arms. He walked over to the changing table and quickly checked her diaper. "Well, you must be hungry then." He said as he scooped her back up and headed downstairs to the kitchen to make her a bottle.

The house seemed strangely quiet to him, but Meredith and Izzie's cars were still in the driveway so they must have stayed asleep a little later than normal. He made his way towards the refrigerator and grabbed a pre-mixed bottle and stuck it in the microwave for a few seconds. After checking the temperature of the milk he finally slipped it into Delia's mouth turning her wrinkled, crying face into one of content happiness.

"There you go Peanut" Derek said with a smile on his face. He was still getting used to the fact that this was actually his daughter. Through all of the pain and horrible things that he had gone through throughout his life, she was definitely the best thing that had ever happened to him. He decided to walk back up to the nursery and sit in the rocking chair until she finished eating.

After Delia finished up her bottle, Derek finally got her back down and he headed back to the kitchen. He grabbed eggs and bacon out of the refrigerator an decided to cook breakfast for everyone. After getting most of it finished up and on the table he started the pot of coffee and then headed upstairs to get them up.

Derek slowly pushed open Meredith's bedroom door to find her curled up in bed peacefully asleep. As he heard her snores, he laughed to himself, remembering the time she gave him earplugs. He made his way over to the bed and quietly slipped in beside her and slipped his arms around her taking in her lavender scented hair. It had been so long since he had held her like this. He never wanted to move again.

Derek felt Meredith start to stir in her sleep a little bit as he ran his fingertips up and down her arm.

"Mer, I made breakfast." He whispered to her as she started to flutter her eyes.

"Humph" she mumbled as she turned over and dug her face into his chest.

Derek laughed at her reaction. He grabbed her sides and started to tickle her in all of the places she couldn't stand causing her legs to shoot out straight in front of her and her body stiffen like a 2x4.

"DEREK STOP! I'M AWAKE. I'M AWAKE!" She screamed through fits of giggles and laughter. "Derek, stop, I have to go check on Delia." She said with a serious look on her face.

"She's already been fed and put back down." He said, looking confident and proud of himself.

He finally stopped and rolled over to face her. "Mer, I'm sorry about everything. I really am. I want to start over with you. I want to start this family over. I can't leave you guys again, you're my family." He said as he ran his hand over her cheek and through her hair. She looked beautiful, even after just waking up. A smile crept across her face as she reached for him. "I know Derek." She responded, right before their lips met.

"Oh god! I'm sorry!" Izzie shrieked as she walked in on Derek and Meredith kissing each other in bed.

"No, Iz, come back, its ok!" Meredith yelled back as she made her way back in the room.

"Well, morning to you to." Izzie said with a smile as she walked over and sat on the foot of the bed.

"Yeah, Derek just woke me up." Meredith replied getting out of bed and grabbing her robe off of the bathroom door.

"I made everyone breakfast, its downstairs ready on the table." Derek informed them.

"Thank you Derek that was nice…" Izzie said as she got up to head out into the hallway only to be knocked down by a panicked Cristina.

"Who screamed, what happened?" She said in a low voice, still in pajamas with the wildest hair you had ever lay your eyes on.

Everyone just laughed as the headed down the stair explaining how Derek had woken up Meredith and Izzie thought she had walked in on sex.

They all enjoyed breakfast and had started cleaning it up together when Delia started to scream filling the kitchen with noise from the baby monitor. Meredith started to head towards the stairs, until Derek stopped her and said he wanted to take care of it. He always wanted to be the one who checked on her since he had moved back in.

He picked her up and quickly changed her diaper and put on some day clothes. He had an idea. After getting her diaper bag filled and getting her situated he headed downstairs and put her into her baby bouncer.

"Meredith, why don't we get dressed and go up to the hospital together with Delia and talk to Miranda about enrolling Delia in the hospital daycare and get you scheduled into work sometime soon. I know you miss being there, Mer." He said with a smile on his face. She looked up at him, confused, but happy that he thought of her. Things were definitely different.

"Ok, let me go hop in the shower. Thank you for breakfast." She said as she pecked him a kiss on the cheek.


	16. Golden Train

_Golden Train_

**Don't you wake up yet  
Give me some time to watch you asleep  
Oh angel of mine  
And I  
I will be fine  
As long as you're near me  
Oh angel of mine**

"Derek go talk to her. I'll watch Delia for a few." Izzie said seeing the emptiness that had already taken over Derek since Meredith had left the room.

"Are you sure? I can stay down here, its ok Izzie." Derek replied, secretly hoping he could just go up there anyway.

"No, go ahead. Delia will be fine with her awnt izwie." She said, imitating a baby voice trying to make the baby smile back at her.

Derek gave Izzie a small nod and turned to head up the stairs. Now that things were starting to get better, he never wanted to be away from her. He walked in the bedroom peeling off more of his clothing the closer he got to the bathroom door. The sight of Meredith, letting the steamy water hit her body drove him insane. He couldn't help but to want to be next to her. She was perfect in his eyes. He quietly opened the shower door and slipped in behind her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her up her neck, softly nibbling along the way.

**Here in this cozy room just me and you  
Oh cuddling and kissing making sweet love **

**shooting star**** wishing and watch the sun come up  
And then we'll sleep all day  
Meet in our dreams and live life our way  
Drop it all off and we'll fly away  
Dip through the stars and wake up slowly**

She quickly turned around to meet his lips with her hungry ones. She needed him too. It had been so long since they had been intimate. He ran his hands up her hips and to her face, holding her as he looked into her sparkling eyes. Their lips touched again, as Derek picked Meredith up around his waist and carried her out of the shower and into the bedroom, not wanting to waist another second being apart from her.

She didn't care that they were soaking wet. He didn't mind the soap still covering her body, or the fact that they were probably going to ruin the comforter. She didn't care about the past, or any of the pain she had felt throughout the year, and he didn't care if he ever loved anyone else ever again. He wanted Meredith and all she had to give him.

She felt as if she was flying. Her body didn't seem real as she took all of Derek in. The pieces were moving back into place. The way it was always meant to be.

**But tomorrow if a Golden Train came to take you away  
Would you go or would you stay?  
Tomorrow if a Golden Train came to take you away  
Would you go or would you stay?**

Derek lay on his back holding her in his arms. He never wanted to let go of her again. Her small body fit against him perfectly.

"Derek, we have to get ready" she said between the kisses she was leaving down his chest. They had done it. They had made love.

"I don't want to move Mer." He replied taking in a deep breath and shutting his eyes, feeling electrified by her touch against his bare skin.

"I know baby, but we can do this again tonight. Everyone's downstairs."

"Okay…. Okay…. Let me get dressed." He said as he leaned over and gave her one last kiss. He smiled at her as he grabbed a towel to wrap around him so he could walk over to the guestroom.

**But tomorrow if a Golden Train came to take you away  
Would you go or would you stay?  
Tomorrow if a Golden Train came to take you away  
would you go or would you stay?**

Twenty minutes later, they were all in the car, making their way to the hospital. Delia was laughing contently at the toy hanging in front of playing her music. Meredith watched the houses pass by out the window as she sat quietly. She didn't know what to think.

"Derek, do you really think it will work this time? I don't want to get hurt again." She said, still gazing out the window.

"Mer, I screwed up. I'm sorry, but do you really think I would fight this hard to get you back this time if I wasn't planning on staying?" He quickly explained.

"I know, it's still just hard for me, Ok?" She said. "Please just give me some time to take all of this in Derek."

"Take all the time you need." He said as he laid his hand over hers.

**Tomorrow if a Golden Train came to take you away  
Would you go or would you stay?  
Tomorrow if a Golden Train came to take you away  
would you go or would you stay?**


	17. Point and Stare

_Point and Stare_

Derek pulled into Seattle Grace and took his usual reserved spot. After putting the car in park and turning off the ignition, he looked over at a nervous Meredith. He felt for her, knowing she was embarrassed about returning to work, after everyone had seen her in the hospital for Alcohol poisoning. Miranda, who had talked to Derek right after the accident, had decided to put off her returning to work a little bit longer until she attended some counseling because she felt that she really needed to get some help.

"You ok baby?" Derek asked Meredith. He showed her a slight smile as he put his hand up to the back of her neck and started to rub it a little bit to maybe relax her.

"Yeah, I'm just wanting to avoid the gossip mill. You know? It gets old after a while." She replied grabbing Delia's diaper bag out of the floorboard and reaching for the door to retrieve the stroller.

"I understand. Trust me." He said feeling very uncomfortable, thinking back on what Meredith and him had been through with the divorce and everything. The whole hospital knew their personal life.

Derek helped her unload Delia out of the car into the stroller and got her covered with a blanket and ready to go. The walked hand in hand, ready to face whatever or whomever was behind the big glass doors of the hospital.

Meredith and Derek got many welcome smiles and hellos. But to every good reaction, there was a pained bad one. There were so many stares and points, Meredith didn't know what to do. She chose to just ignore it all, but it was still putting a heavy feeling on her heart.

They quickly entered the elevator, and rode quietly up to the floor where Miranda's office was. They could see her through the glass, talking on her cell phone. They silently waited outside the door until she was done and came to usher them in.

"Hello Meredith! I'm so glad to see you. I take it your doing better?" Dr. Bailey said with a smile on her face as she gave Meredith a quick hug.

"Yes. I'm doing very well actually. I have a note from my therapist for you, and Derek has been staying at the house with me helping out also. I feel so much better than I did a couple of weeks ago. I hope that what happened does not change your opinion on me. I was going through such a hard time. I want to change myself though. Delia needs me." She replied as she took a seat next to Derek on the couch facing her desk.

Dr. Bailey nodded in agreement as she took a look at the letter from the therapist. "Okay so, I have an opening in the daycare starting tomorrow if you would like to come back. I am looking forward to it."

"Yes, that sounds great. I will see you tomorrow for work then." Meredith said as she stood up.

Miranda nodded to Meredith as she and Derek made their way out of the office with Delia fast asleep. They were walking towards the elevator, when her mouth parted to speak, but she decided against it.

"What?" Derek said. "I know you were going to say something. Spill it." He laughed, catching her off guard.

"No. You will think its stupid…" She said as she quickly started to walk towards the elevator.

"Mer, just tell me. Nothing you say is ever stupid." He replied.

"I was wondering if you had checked on Rose, or if you needed to before we left. I mean as much as I'm mad about what happened, you still are her doctor. Has she woken up yet?" Mer asked, concerned.

"I need to go order some tests, she still hasn't woken up from the coma yet. I don't know if she's going to Mer." Derek said as he escorted her into the elevator and pushed the button for the ICU floor.

"Okay. Let's stop by really quickly. Derek please hurry." She said.

Derek led Meredith towards Rose's room, and as he turned to enter, he motioned for Meredith to stay outside the door. She looked in to see a nearly unrecognizable girl, covered in scars and bandages and wrapped in tubes. She was speechless. If She would have never yelled at Rose that night, Rose wouldn't have run off and maybe she would have been ok. She looked over and studied the man that was sitting next to her bed and holding her hand. Poor guy. He had no idea that Rose's doctor was also her ex that she had been having an affair with. He though he was the only one. Would he have stayed by her side if he knew the truth?

The man looked up and Meredith watched him exchange some words with Derek, probably about her coma and her condition. The man suddenly choked up with tears, dropping his hands to his head. Derek had a blank stare as he made his was back into the hallway.

"Mer, lets run by the grocery store and go home. I want to cook dinner for us tonight." He said with a smile. He really wanted to make everything up to Meredith.

"Ok." She said and then stayed quiet during the walk to the elevator. "So…How's Rose?" She said with hesitation. She just wanted to know.

"She's still unresponsive, but I'm gonna get some test run today and they said they would call when the results come in, but it doesn't look good."

Meredith nodded in response as she pressed the button to go to the ground floor. The walk to the car was a quiet one, with thoughts of Rose, and all that had happened running through her mind. But she would never let Derek know. Besides, she started work again tomorrow, so she would have her mind on other things anyway.


	18. She will be loved

**Hey guys. Sorry so short. I just finished my first twelve hour shift at the hospital today and I'm beat. I promise great things this weekend. Show the love!!**

* * *

_She will be loved_

Derek pulled all the stops for Meredith. He cooked her a gourmet meal, fed, bathed, and put Delia down, did the dishes and laundry, and drew a bubble bath for Meredith to relax in while he finish up downstairs. He then surprised Meredith during her bath, by bringing her an amazing piece of turtle cheesecake drizzled with strawberries and sauce.

Secretly she wondered what was going on. Derek. Being perfect.

He was up to something.

"Derek. What do you want?" She said straight forward to him, not even worrying about what kind of effect if would have on him, or if he was even up to anything at all.

"Mer! Nothing is up. I just love you, that is all." He said, not looking her straight in the eyes. She knew it.

"Liar" she spat as she splashed him a little with the bathwater.

"HEY! I'm not a liar." He said smiling his Mcdreamy smile. "Most of the time…" he added under his breath, with a hilarious smirk on his face just trying to get a playful rise out of Meredith.

"You better spill it buddy. Or you get no sex! I will go on strike!" She said with a smirk better than his own, knowing that she had won.

"Uh. Fine. I was hoping I could start sleeping in your room again. I want to be near you Mer. I miss you everynight in my arms."

"Oh." She replied. Was she ready? Could she handle him moving back into their old room with her? She wondered how it would play out in front of her. "Ok Derek. I think its time for you to move back in. I miss you too. I want to give this another shot. But I want you to take care of my heart this time. If you ever break it again, I will take Delia and leave and you will have neither of us. Do you understand? This is the last time. The end of the line." She added.

"Oh. Thank you Mer." He said, suffocating her with kisses as he leaned over and let his whole body fall in the tub on top of her, not even worried about the water hitting the floor or the uneaten cheesecake now covered with suds and bubbles.

* * *

Meredith woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. She was tangled into Derek, naked and sweating. They had made love, over and over again until she finally fell peacefully asleep, but she had been having nightmares lately and for some reason she couldn't sleep. As quietly as she could, she scooted her body towards the edge, and slid off grabbing her robe and wrapping it around her. She slipped out the door into the hallway, looked in on Delia, and continued on down the stairs into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She walked around aimlessly, wishing for sleep to come, until she found herself in Derek's old office. She grabbed some small shoeboxes out of the closet and sat on the floor and started to look at all of the pictures she had collected over the years.

One box of college memories. One full of ex-boyfriends. One of her first year at Seattle Grace with all of her new family. One of her wedding. One of her pregnancy and Delia.

She had finally gotten back the love of her life, so why was she so uneasy about it.

She was scared to loose him again.

She had always picture them, living in a huge house with beautiful land and nice cars. He could picture having hoards of kids, even though Meredith didn't want kids. She only wanted them with Derek. She could picture herself learning how to cook, sew. Be a housewife. And be a great surgeon. And she wanted to accomplish all of this, with being a good mother. She wanted to prove that she could do it. She never pictured Derek leaving. She thought it was forever. Through thick and thin.

She had to move on from her past to be happy. To be loved.


	19. Its Been a While

_Its Been a While_

Meredith traced her fingers over the outline of Dereks face in their wedding picture. They looked happy, conent. That is all that Meredith could wish for. To be happy, with no worry. She had been sitting there for hours, not able to go back to sleep. She had to be up for work in less than 2 hours so she just decided to wait it out. She was stressed about going back to work, worried to death about Delia going to the daycare. She didn't know if she would be able to give her away to someone she didn't know for her full shift. The only thing that would comfort her at this point, was that Delia would at least be in the same building with her if something went wrong.

She sat the picture down and grabbed another stack out of the box from their wedding. She secretly hoped they would have another box just like that one day, but she wouldn't tell Derek that.

**It's been a while**

**Since I could hold my head up high**

**and it's been a while**

**Since I first saw you**

**It's been a while**

**since i could stand on my own two feet again**

**and it's been a while**

**since i could call you**

Derek couldn't bring himself to get out of bed. He had been lying awake for what seemed like hours. Meredith couldn't sleep. She only did that when something was bothering her. He didn't know what to do, or how to fix it. He had expierenced this many times when they had been married. She would dissapear in the middle of night for a while and try to sneak back into bed before the alarm so he wouldn't worry, but he always knew. He didn't know wether to go find her this time, or still act oblivious to her nightime wanderings.

He wondered what she was doing at this moment. Walking around the living room. Milling around the kitchen. He tossed and turned in the sheets, staring at the clock on the bedside table, trying to decide what to do. Last year he would have stayed in bed, but Derek wasn't the same person he was then. He wasn't even close.

**But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem**

**the consequences that I've rendered**

**I've stretched myself beyond my means**

Meredith quickly stuffed the boxes back into the closet, and shut the door as quielty as she could. She had to make it back in bed before the alarm. As she turned to walk through the door she ran straight into Derek, knocking her backwards, but before she hit the ground she felt herself land in his arms. He brought her back up to face him, but before speaking a word, he gave her a soft, sensual kiss, causing Meredith's world to spin momentarily.

"Baby, What's wrong? Is everything ok? I woke up and you were gone." He said as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Derek, I'm sorry. I just can't sleep. I'm worried." She replied. "I've had a lot on my my lately, with the baby, and Rose. It's really nothing I promise."

He knew she was lying. It wasn't nothing. "Mer, you've been doing this for the past two years. When something is seriously bothering you, I can never find you in my arms. I wake up alone."

"You knew, Derek?" She said, wide eyed. She had hoped he never knew.

"Yes Mer. I knew. I just never came to find you until now. I've changed. If its me your worried about, please don't let it be. I am in love with you. I know its been a while since you have seen the good side of me. I know I always tend to make things bad, but everything seems to dissapear when I'm with you. That is why I decided to find you this time. You need me as much as I need you." He said as he felt a smile come across his face.

She pulled him close and buried her head in his chest, feeling safe and warm.

**It's been a while**

**since i could say that i wasn't addicted and**

**It's been a while**

**Since I could say I love myself as well and**

**It's been a while**

**Since I've gone and fucked things up just like i always do**

**It's been a while**

**But all that shit seems to disappear when i'm with you**

**But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem**

**the consequences that I've rendered**

**I've gone and fucked things up again**

Meredith finished getting Delia buckled in the car seat and climbed in the passenger seat. Derek was grabbing her coffee and they were about to head to work. Work. It sounded so weird to think of it. Would she still be a good resident? It had been nearly three months since Delia had been born.

She reached for Derek's hand as they nearned the hospital. They dropped Delia at the daycare together and walked hand in hand to the elevator. Meredith felt like she could do anything with Derek near her.

"You're going to do fine, Mer." He said as he sqeezed her hand. They stepped off and he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading down the hallway. Meredith stood in place for a second, taking in the all to familiar surroundings. She finally started to walk, traveling straight for the locker room, remembering it just like it was yesterday.

She changed into her light blue scrubs and white coat, closed her locker and headed towards the nurses station to check the charts. She was waiting for Bailey to meet her down there and she wanted to get up to date with the patients.

"Good Morning Dr. Grey" Dr. Sloan said startling her, breaking her concentration on the paperwork she was going over.

"Oh! Hi Mark. How are you? You scared me." She replied giggling.

"I'm good. How have you been? I haven't seen Derek in a couple of days. Is everything ok?" He asked.

"Well, its been a bit rough around the edges, but things are getting better everday. You should come to dinner sometime, I know that Derek would enjoy some company. He doesn't get to see any friends outside of the hospital very often." She suggested. Maybe some company would be good for them.

"That sounds good, just tell him to give me a call and we will get it planned. Good to see you, gotta run." He said with a friendly smile as he turned the corner.

**it's been awhile**

**since i said i'm sorry**

**It's been awhile**

**Since I've seen the way the candles light your face**

**It's been awhile**

**But I can still remember just the way you taste**

Derek stood outside of the daycare window staring at his baby daughter. He had some time later on in the day and Meredith was in surgery so he wanted to just catch a glimpse of Delia to get him by. His family was like his air. He missed Meredith already, and it was only her first day back to work. Even though they had grown so much in such a little time, he was still worried about how things would go between Meredith and him.

He walked in the door and picked up Delia and held her close. He thought back on his life and all of the mistakes he had made. It was time for him to say he was truley sorry to Meredith. He had a plan. His mind started to work on a plan, only to be interupted by his pager.

"Uhhhhh" Derek groaned at the 911 flashing across the screen. He handed Delia back over to the Teacher and headed for the stairwell at a run.

**It's been a while**

**Since I could hold my head up high**

**and it's been a while since i said i'm sorry**


	20. Come a Little Closer

_Come A Little Closer_

Derek finished up with his patient and headed out of the operating room. He had been in surgery for the remainder of his afternoon with a 6 year old that had fallen off of a swing set. He always hated operating on children. It had gotten worse since he had become a father, but it always ate away at his heart that these children had to go through the trauma of brain surgery at such a young age. Luckily this one was going to be okay.

He headed towards the waiting area in search of the girl's parents to tell them the news. He finally found them and approached them with a friendly smile.

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Johnston." He said as he reached out to shake thier hands. They were looking at him with anticipation. Derek held all of the answers to their future.

"Good Morning Dr. Shepherd. How did the operation go?" Mr. Johnston said.

"Sarah's going to be just fine. She sailed through without any complications and she is in recovery right now so you should be able to see her within the next hour or so." Derek replied.

"Thank you. We can't even begin to describe how much we appreciate you." Mrs. Johnston said as she threw her arms around her husband. Derek watched as he reached over and wiped his wife's tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

Derek nodded signaling a silent goodbye, to give them time together.

**Come a little closer baby**

**I feel like layin' you down**

**On a bed of sweet surrender**

**Where we can work it all out**

**There ain't nothin' that love can't fix**

**Girl it's right here at our finger tips**

**So come a little closer baby**

**I feel like layin' you down**

Meredith stumbled into the nearest on-call room and crashed into the bed. She had about an hour until her next surgery and she needed all of the rest she could get. She quickly sent Derek a text to tell him where she was and rolled over and closed her eyes. About five minutes later she heard the door quietly open and a pair of feet shuffle towards her bed. The person then proceeded to crawl into bed with Meredith and wrap their arms around her.

"Mmm...Derek. I missed you all morning. I've been super busy with surgery. Did you get a chance to visit Delia at all?" She asked, with drowsy eyes.

"Yes I checked on her right before I got paged into my case. I had a six year old, but she's going to be fine. It always makes me nervous, you know?" He said, running his fingertips along her soft arms.

"Oh, Derek, I'm glad she's okay. I get nervous too. Its worse when you are actually a parent." She replied, scooting herself into him more. She loved being held.

"Yeah I know." Derek replied, leaving little kisses along the nape of her neck.

"Oh, and Derek? I invited Mark over sometime this week for dinner. I told him you haven't seen many of your friends lately, and he seemed pretty happy about the invitation."

"Thank you Mer. That sounds great." He replied, happy that she had cared.

**Come a little closer baby**

**I feel like lettin' go**

**Of everything that stands between us**

**And the love we used to know**

**I wanna touch you like a cleansing rain**

**And let it wash all the hurt away**

**So come a little closer baby**

**I feel like lettin' go**

Derek snuggled his face into the back of her neck, inhaling her lavender scent and freshness of a shower. He felt like things were finally starting to head back into place, as he let his eyes slowly close to join Meredith in a deep sleep.

He felt like he was on top of the world.

**If there's still a chance than take my hand**

**And we'll steal away**

**Off into the night**

**Until we make things right**

**The sun's gonna rise, on a better day**

**Every inch of you against my skin**

**I wanna be stronger than we've ever been**

**So come a little closer baby**

**Just a little bit closer baby**

**I feel like layin' you down**


	21. Forever To Touch You

_Forever To Touch You_

Derek stirred at the sound of his pager going off. He reached over into his jacket and grabbed it to see what it said and realized it was Meredith's. He leaned over and started to kiss her neck and move her around a little to wake her up. It killed him to do it, knowing she didn't get much sleep last night but he had no choice. She finally started to move a little bit and eventually turned to face Derek.

"Mmm...Thank you for sleeping with me. I was so tired. I have to go to my surgery now, don't I?" She said with a smile on her face.

"Yes Mer, they are paging you. I will see you later tonight baby. I love you."

"I love you too, Derek." She replied as she gave him a quick kiss and headed out the door. Derek turned back over to sleep a little bit more only to hear a code blue announced over the intercom. Not seconds later his pager started blaring. He looked down and his heart nearly jumped. It was Rose.

**And I'd give up forever to touch you**

**'Cause I know that you feel me somehow**

**You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be**

**And I don't want to go home right now**

Meredith heard the code announced as she made her was to the OR. She wondered what had happened. She opened the door to the scrub room and quickly washed her hands to get into surgery.

As she was operating she had a really bad feeling. She didn't know why, she just felt as if something bad had happened. She had to know for sure.

"Dr. Stewart?" She said to her intern.

"Yes Dr. Grey?" He replied.

"Can you do me a favor and run to the phone over there and call the desk to ask who the code was for?"

"Yes Dr. Grey." He said as he made his way towards the wall. He picked up the phone. He spoke a few words to the other person and then hung up.

"Dr. Grey, It was Rose in the ICU." He informed her.

Meredith nearly dropped her scalpel at the information. That meant that Derek had been paged.

"Is she okay?" Meredith asked in a panic.

"They are still working on her."

"Okay, thank you Dr. Stewart." Meredith replied trying to concentrate on her surgery. Just a little bit longer and she could go see Derek.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek was frantically working on Rose who had already been intubated. He remembered calling the orders, and telling the nurse to charge the paddles, but the next thing he new, there was a heart beat and he fell to the chair, almost not able to move another inch. He needed to go see Meredith but he had to finish in here first.

"Dr. Allen, I need you to take her up to CT and run some tests and page me when your done, okay?" Derek said as he walked around the corner. He knew Meredith was still in surgery, so he kept himself busy by checking on some of his post-op patients.

About an hour later, his pager was going off and looked down and smiled knowing her was finally going to see Meredith. He made his way around the halls, and headed for the OR she was about to come out of.

"Hey baby, I missed you!" He said, peeking his head into the scrub room. She was washing her hands.

"I missed you too! Is everything Okay? I heard that Rose was the Code earlier." She asked concerned.

"She's okay, I just sent her up for some test a little while ago. Well, we both get off in half an hour, so what do you say we go get Delia together in a bit and go home and i'll cook us dinner. And then I'll do the dishes and we can get into bed and hold each other forever." He said with a smile.

"That sounds fantastic. I'm am starving and exhausted. I'll see you soon Derek." She said giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and heading off into the other direction.

Derek made his way back down to the ICU to check on Rose's test results. Dr. Allen had just paged him.

"How is everything looking, Dr.?" Derek asked.

"She looks stable now. She should be fine. I want to say she should be awake, but I don't know what's causing her to be in this coma for so long."

"Okay, are you on call tonight?"

"Yes."

"Page me if you see anything out of the ordinary. Goodnight Dr. Allen." Derek said as he made his way towards Meredith's locker room to meet her to go home.

**And all I can taste is this moment**

**And all I can breathe is your life**

**'Cause sooner or later it's over**

**I just don't want to miss you tonight**

"Derek, you have no idea how good this spaghetti is." Meredith said with a mouthful.

"Thank you. I was so tired at work today, but I'm so glad that I can come see you or Delia anytime I want to. That is my favorite part." He said with a smile.

"I'm really happy Derek. I feel like we've grown a lot. I just want to be able to trust you fully. And I promise I'm getting there, Okay? Its tough." She said.

"I know Meredith. What I did was horrible and I understand you having a hard time trusting me, but I swear I will never hurt you again"

They smiled at each other as Derek picked the plates off of the table and took them to the sink to stick them in the washer. Meredith went upstairs to put Delia to bed and he met her upstairs and did exactly what he promised her. He held her all night. It wasn't forever, but it felt like it to both of them.

**And I don't want the world to see me**

**'Cause I don't think that they'd understand**

**When everything's made to be broken**

**I just want you to know who I am**


	22. Where's My cheesecake?

_Where's my Cheesecake?_

Meredith shifted the front of her black dress once more in the mirror. She did a once over on her hair and makeup, checked her earrings, and then made her way down the stairs. Derek had done a wonderful job on the dining area. There was a table set for 8, and he had cooked a delicious Italian pasta recipe. She really didn't know what she had to be nervous about. It was only her close friends, that were pretty much her family, but it was something about them all being in her home for a dinner party that made her nervous. She had to make sure everything was ok. She was usually the one who organized things, but Derek had planned this one all out.

She was also nervous because tonight was the first night Delia had stayed overnight with a sitter. She liked one of the teachers at the daycare she had known for a while, and she had offered to take Delia home to baby-sit. She already had a toddler and loved children. Meredith acted uneasy at first, but Derek insisted that she deserved a night with the adults.

Derek watched Meredith walk back and forth around the living room while he was putting the finishing touches on dinner. He could help but smile at her, hand writhing in her skirt, face as pale as snow…

"Meredith, what's wrong?" he asked with a laugh. He seemed to find everything she did cute. She stopped and turned to face him with deer-in-the-headlight eyes and suddenly looked as if something had dawned on her.

"Candles…. Derek. We need candles…. " She said as she ran back up the stairs only to return with two white candlesticks in holders. She set one on each end of the table and walked back into the kitchen.

"You were that worked up over candles?" He said with a smirk.

"Derek, everything has to be perfect. I just kept looking at the table, I mean, I knew I had overlooked it. I knew something was missing so I…"

"Meredith calm down! You're rambling again." He said as he walked over to her and kissed her fore head. If anything he was the one who should have been nervous.

"Honey why don't you run down to the wine cellar and grab a bottle or two for tonight." He said, giving her something to do to bide the time.

As soon as she had set them on the counter the doorbell rang. "OH, they are ten minutes early. We aren't ready Derek!" She shrieked.

"Baby go open the door or I will make you do it…" He said as he swatted her on the ass to get her moving. She giggled a bit and made her way into the foyer. She took one last look in the mirror before opening the one of the two double doors.

"George, Callie. Thank you for coming." She said with a huge smile. It had been a while since she had been able to spend a good night with friends. All thoughts of nervousness left her body as Callie and George both leaned in a hugged her.

"Thanks for inviting us Mer." George said.

"How's the baby doing?" Meredith said with a smile as she sat her hand on Callie's small bump that was just starting to surface.

"We find out what it is in two weeks. We are so excited." She said with a huge smile. Meredith made small talk as they made their way into the living room. Soon after Izzie and Cristina made it from the hospital, as did Mark, and soon after Alex. The original plan was just to have Mark over but Derek insisted on making a night out of it. Derek let Meredith know that dinner was ready and everyone made their way to the table.

After the Pasta was finished and the wine bottles nearly empty, Derek stood out of his chair and excused himself to the kitchen. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty. He had to top the last time so this had to work out perfectly. He took a minute to compose himself and continued to the counter to grab a stack of desert plates. He cut 8 pieces of cheesecake but left one behind as he made a couple of trips to the dining area. He made his way back to the table, seeing Meredith eyeing him.

"Where's my cheesecake?" She said with the voice that sounded like a little girl. She looked at him. He knew how she was about her cheesecake.

"Oh sweetie I'm sorry, let me grab it for you." He made his way back into the kitchen and grabbed her plate and carried it back to the table. He sat it in front of her and everyone got quiet. She looked up at him and looked back down at the plate. Her plate that was cheesecake-less. In the center, was a small black velvet box. She was sitting at the end of the table, so right as she looked back at him he made his way towards her and kneeled down on one knee. He grabbed her trembling hand and looked deep into her eyes, not caring that everyone was staring straight at them.

"Meredith, I know that I've hurt you. I can never apologize enough times to make up for it, but I hope that you have seen that I have changed. I want to be a family. A real one, who spends time going to the park, and laughing with each other no matter how bad our day has been elsewhere. If you need time, I understand, but I don't want to waste another second without calling you my wife."

Meredith took a deep breath and looked around the room. Everyone had smiles upon their faces. Most of them hadn't seen Meredith that happy in months. Izzie nodded her on and Cristina rolled her eyes. She turned to look at Derek again. Time had literally stopped for her. He sat anxious, but hopeful. Meredith slowly stood up and slipped her arms behind Derek's neck.

"There is nothing more that I would love than to be your wife, Derek." She said before crashing her lips into his.

He reached forward and grabbed the box, revealing the beautiful ring he had purchased earlier on that week. He slipped it on her finger as everyone congratulated and hugged the bride to be.


	23. Love in an Elevator

_Love in an Elevator_

Delia was already coming up on six months old. Meredith couldn't believe how many things had changed in the past three months. Meredith had decided to give Izzie and Cristina her mother's old house to live in and Derek and Meredith decided to live alone with Delia. She loved her friends, but she felt like if they were going to be engaged they should be serious with the way they treated each other and their relationship as a family. Derek had hired one of the younger nannies from the daycare at the hospital to live in the pool house and be full time-on call so that Delia would always have a watchful eye. This gave them more time with each other and Meredith didn't have to get up extra early to get her ready and in the car for work.

Delia had definitely taken to Ashley and it gave Meredith an ease to know Delia would behave. They had decided to get married sooner rather than later, but with a decent time between so they settled on having a springtime wedding. Thanksgiving was right around the corner and Derek had though that if would be a good idea to have dinner at their house with everyone since it was so big. He had contemplated inviting his family over, but he decided that they would take a trip out there closer to Christmas since they had never seen Delia and he wanted it to be more personal. They decided to have the usual gang over, and Izzie had offered to get there early to cook. They had about one week to go and Meredith couldn't have been more stressed out. Delia had just started teething and Meredith was loaded with work trying to get caught up on her Residency. She was just into her 3rd year, but she was still behind from being on leave with Delia. She was in the last days of her rotation with the Cardio-attending Dr. Cooper. She could safely say that her specialty wouldn't be a heart surgeon. She was leaning more towards Neuro, but she couldn't quite decide yet.

Meredith twisted her ring around with her thumb as she listed to Dr. Cooper talk about something. He was flipping through a patient's chart spitting orders left and right at Meredith like she was still a first year intern.

'You have got to be kidding me….' She thought in her head waiting for him to leave her alone. He had been on her ass all day long paging her left and right. He finally stopped talking and started to walk the other direction but as soon as Meredith started to fell more relaxed he turned around.

"Oh, and schedule a Transthroacic Echocardiogram for this afternoon." He added. She sighed but was thankful that she would be able to go home after the procedure. Just as she turned to walk away he added more. "And Dr. Grey? I want a full work up on her condition by nine tonight with new vitals every hour. And you're on-call right? Page me if something goes wrong…" he said with a smirk at the same time she had let out a loud groan. He walked off like he owned the place. She let her weight drop into the chair and she leaned her head back so far she could feel the blood rushing to her head as it rolled a bit backwards from the force of her body. It came to a sudden stop and Meredith opened her eyes to see an upside down Cristina.

"Sit up, were in a hospital Mer, not shooting Spiderman 4." Meredith smirked at her sarcasm. Just because she was leaning her head back doesn't mean she resembled a comic book character. She finally just stood up and sat on the desk. Cristina started to do some research on a patient on the computer. After two minutes of silence she knew something was wrong with Meredith. She was usually bright these days. And when she said bright, she meant bright and fucking shiny.

"Okay Mer, spill. Now…." Cristina said acting like she cared even though Meredith knew she didn't.

"I had a run in with McAss again. Its nothing really, I just have a bad feeling about him." She said kicking her feet back and forth.

"Uh. I hate Dr. Cooper. He's like a Military drill Sargent. I'm guessing he volunteered you to be on call tonight too. That must be why you look like your dog died." She said laughing. "I hated my rotation with him."

"I just don't understand. He acts like no one has a life outside of the hospital. I think he even tried to grab my ass today. He is just repulsive."

"He was like that with me too. Totally harassed me. It made me sick." Izzie added as she walked in on the tail end of their conversation. "He would always stare at my boobs."

"Izzie, everyone who has eyes stares at your boobs." Cristina added with a smirk.

"Stop, I'm being serious. I heard he tried to force himself on one of the nurses in an on call room once. I don't know if it's true or not though."

"Well guys, it's been fun, but I have to go and deal with my patient. This is going to be a long night."

She said as she walked out the door.

Derek was just getting out of a consult when he saw Meredith pass him in the hallway. She looked off into space as she made her way towards the elevator. He made a sprint for it just catching the door right before it closed. He slyly slipped his way into the crack and let it continue to shut as he crossed his arms over his chest and tipped his chin up a bit. That was awesome.

"You know Dr. Shepherd. You are very conceited." She said giggling forgetting all thoughts of Dr. Cooper. He playfully pushed her causing an all out fight. "I'll show you conceited!" He laughed slipped his hand over and pushed the emergency stop button causing them to jerk to a halt.

"Derek, what the…" She said in surprise only to be cut off by his hungry lips. He slammed her against the wall, their bodies meshing perfectly together.

"Oh Mer, I need you." He said into her lips as he jerked her head back and attacked her neck with his mouth. She let out a small moan driving him even farther.

She started to quickly untie his scrub pants and then moved on to hers slipping them down just enough for him to gain entrance from behind. She turned around and slowly fingered her clit, waiting for him. It was just enough to make him explode. He positioned himself and grabbed her hips pushing in to her with no hesitation. He had been thinking about this all day, and with the way she agreed, apparently she had been too.

"Oh God! Fuck!" She screamed out as he thrust deeper into her with every movement. She threw her hands against the wall to steady herself. Derek was about to loose himself with the sight of her perfect body thrashing wildly in front of him.

"Ohhh Fuck, I'm about to cum Mer." He said in a growling voice. He gripped her hips harder and slammed into her. He could tell she was close, just from the tightness around his cock. "OH GOD" he screamed as he spilled deep into her core, her moans matching his. After a minute of composure, the elevator was back into movement and as the doors opened showing tons of impatient people, Meredith couldn't help but blush.

"SOMEBODY CALL A MATENINCE MAN FOR THESE DAMN ELEVATORS." Derek yelled out causing some of the people to take the stairs. He was making it up, but they would never know.

They both were about to head in opposite directions, but took one last look at each other, smiling at their accomplishment. Hot sex in an elevator.

Meredith still felt the hot flushed feeling in her face ten minutes later. No one knew, but she still felt like everyone had seen them.

She scheduled the procedure for her patient and headed towards the cafeteria to grab some food. She plopped down at the table with Cristina and Izzie and started to open her drink.

"What did you do?" Cristina said to Meredith, causing her to spew the pepsi all over the table.

"Do what? I didn't do anything. What are you talking about?" She said picking up her chips and tried to act distracted.

"Ah ha! You did something. Tell me!" She pleaded. Meredith only continued to stuff her mouth with food to stall on answering the question.

"Did you steal something?" Meredith shook her head no. "Kill a patient?" She again shook her head no. "Have sex?" Meredith stopped chewing for one moment and Cristina had her answer. "You had sex!! You were gone for like twenty minutes."

"SHHHHH. Talk quieter you idiot." She hissed.

"How did you manage that?" She asked full of curiosity.

"Elevator." She replied seeing Cristina's face light up with laughter.

"OH MY GOD EWWW!" She heard Izzie shriek as Cristina dropped her head to her hands, laughing so hard that she was nearly crying.

"Thanks guys, you act like you've never had a quickie before. Anyway, Iz…still coming to help cook on Friday? Lord knows I need all that I can get."

"Yep. Wouldn't miss it for the world." She said leaning back in her chair.


	24. Crossed the line

_Crossed the Line_

Six hours later, Meredith felt like she was going to kick the bucket. She had never been so worn out before in her life. She had been at the hospital well over 24 hours, and walking out of the front door to go home was a joke. It wasn't gonna happen anytime soon. After calling Derek to let him know, she made her way back to Mrs. Reed's room to check her vitals. It seemed like right after she finished one thing, she needed to do another. Just as she though her night couldn't get any worse, a code was called over the intercom for her patient. The patient that Dr. Cooper put her in charge of all night. Great.

20 minutes later Meredith starred a flat-line in the face. Her night had just gone to shit. Not that it hadn't already been bad. She walked to the desk and called Dr. Cooper. This would be fun.

"Hello?" He said groggily. She could tell she woke him up. Even better.

"Dr. Cooper, its Meredith." She replied, putting her hand to her head, to calm her headache.

"Is my patient okay?" He said boldly.

"No sir." She said with a wince.

All she heard was a click and silence. He had hung up on her. "ASSHOLE!" She said to herself, kind of wishing she could just say it to his face.

She made herself busy, finishing up notes on some charts, just trying to finish out her shift. She heard a commotion down the hallway and looked up to see an angry Dr. Cooper making his way straight for her.

"Meredith…my office please." He said in a very stern voice as he passed right by her and headed towards the elevator. All of the nurses stopped dead in their tracks as Meredith stood up and headed for the stairwell. She shuffled up the stairs and out onto the hallway of the upper floor and walked up to his office door. Instead of knocking she just walked in just to piss him off.

"Meredith, I understand that Mrs. Reed passed away on your watch."

"Yes, she coded and we worked on her for almost 20 minutes. I'm sorry." She replied.

"This is just not acceptable, I can't believe they let people like you work as a doctor."

"With all due respect sir, I can't make someone live, if they can't do it. I'm a doctor. I try to save people, but its not guaranteed."

"Meredith, she didn't have that much damage. If you had been checking on her more, then maybe she would have lived." He snapped back.

"Dr. Cooper, I'm sorry…but I will not let someone talk to me like this. I tried my best to make her survive, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Goodnight."

She turned on her heel and headed towards the door. He sprinted towards her, slamming his hand on the door to shut it, just as she had tried to open it. She started to turn around to yell at him but was cut off from a hand around her neck. He shoved her against the wall and got in her face.

"I, Meredith Grey, am an attending. I WILL NOT be spoken to like that. You are suspended for the OR for two weeks. Now get out." He spat. He finally released Meredith's neck and she turned around and sprinted out of the door and into the stairwell. She fell to the floor holding her neck and crying. He had crossed the line. He had choked her. She dreaded tomorrow, knowing a bruise would appear, but she couldn't tell anyone. He was an attending, he could get her fired. He could make her loose everything she had worked for.

After composing herself enough to go back into the hallway, she ducked out of sight and made her way into the locker room to change and get her things. She quickly dressed and grabbed her purse and walked as fast as she could back towards the elevator. She hated how is such a small amount of time she could go from being sickeningly happy to feeling like her world was going to end.

Thankfully she made it to her car without any confrontation with anyone. She drove home, ready to see her daughter and fiancée.

She dropped her keys on the table in the foyer, kicked off her shoes, and made her way around the house looking for Derek. Delia was already asleep so she assumed he must be in the bedroom. Ashley, the nanny, had gone out of town for a couple of days, so it was just the three of them. Meredith continued down the hallway and walked into her room only to see a fully made bed.

"Weird." She said to herself. She turned around and made her way back down the stairs. After milling around for a few minutes she noticed little candle flames on the ground outside in the back yard. She walked through the back yard and out to the hot tub only to find Derek, a bottle of wine, and candlelight.

"I was waiting for you baby." He said with a smile. "I called the hospital to check on you and they told me you had just left."

"Thank you Derek. I needed this, you have no idea. I had a bad night at work."

Derek stood up and got out of the hot tub and walked over to her taking her into his arms. He lightly kissed her on her fore head. He slowly pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her black bra. He kissed down her chest and stomach and stopped at the top of her pants, removing them also.

"You look beautiful Mer." He said as he unclasped her bra and threw it to the ground. She let out a small moan as she felt his hot breath against her skin. As soon as her thong hit the ground he had picked her up and carried her into the hot tub with him. She straddled him and kissed him deeply, not breaking eye contact.

He broke the kiss and made his way to her ear lobe and softly nibbled sending chills up Meredith's spine. As soon as he attacked her neck with his lips she yelped. He stopped and looked her confused.

"Baby, did I hurt you?" He said pulling her close.

"No Derek, I just had a cramp that's all. I slept funny last night when I took a nap at the hospital. You know those beds…" She laughed nervously grabbing her neck, trying to cover her lie and the small bruise that had started to show.

"Oh, okay Mer." He said, knowing something was up, but he just shook it off. He reached behind him and poured Meredith a glass of wine. Not soon after Delia's cries were heard over the baby monitor and Derek jumped out and headed for the back door.

"Derek…"

"No Mer, you relax, I've got it okay?" He replied, continuing through the back door. Meredith engulfed her body in the hot water and leaned her head back. Her drowsy eyes closed and listened to Derek comfort Delia over the monitor. He was so good with her. He was going to be a perfect father.

About ten minutes later Derek returned outside. Meredith sat up and put her glass down.

"Derek, this is wonderful and all, but I really think I'm just going to go up to bed. I'm exhausted." She said.

"Sure Mer. Let me get this stuff and well go together, okay?" He said while blowing out the candles.

She got out and grabbed her things and headed towards the door with Derek trailing behind her. She dropped her clothes in the laundry room and grabbed a freshly washed bathrobe out of the dryer.

"Derek, will you go turn on the shower for me? I'll be up there in a minute."

"Sure" he said as he made his way up the stairs.

Meredith put a load of laundry in the washer and started them up. She grabbed the basket of folded clothes and carried them upstairs with her. After putting some of them away she went into her bathroom. Derek was on the laptop in bed waiting on her. She got in and quickly washed and then made her way to bed after drying off a bit. Derek sat his laptop down and turned off the lights and wrapped his arms around Meredith.

"Mmm…I love it when you hold me Derek."

"I love it when I hold you too," he said with a smile.

Meredith forgot all about what happened as they both drifted into a deep sleep. For some reason when she was with Derek, everything else disappeared.

Yes, she may have forgotten, but bruises won't disappear overnight.


	25. Lying From You

_Lying From You_

Meredith rolled over in her sleep, pulling half of the sheets with her, leaving Derek cold and naked on the other side. He shot awake and jerked them back turning her over to face him, eyes closed, still snoring. He looked at her in amazement, knowing he was lucky to have a second chance. He moved her hair out of her face and relaxed his body. He could watch her sleep forever. He studied her body, even though he knew every inch, but something was off. A faint bruise. It wasn't dark yet, but it was there, barely showing on the surface.

_He broke the kiss and made his way to her ear lobe and softly nibbled sending chills up Meredith's spine. As soon as he attacked her neck with his lips she yelped. He stopped and looked her confused._

"_Baby, did I hurt you?" He said pulling her close._

"_No Derek, I just had a cramp that's all. I slept funny last night when I took a nap at the hospital. You know those beds…" She laughed nervously grabbing her neck, trying to cover her lie and the small bruise that had started to show._

"_Oh, okay Mer." He said, knowing something was up, but he just shook it off._

He felt horrible. He had bruised her on accident, and she tried to hide it. He was silently bashing himself for being so rough with her. He kissed her softly on the cheek to rouse her awake. The alarm would be going off soon, and he wanted to wake her kindly, rather than letting the screaming alarm scare her to death.

She started to shift, fluttering her eyes, and rolled her body into Derek like she did every time she woke up next to him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her until the alarm went off. She leaned forward and pecked him on the lips, and headed for the closet to find some clothes for work. The day was going to be hell. No surgeries, No fun. She hated being suspended. Derek had gone downstairs to start the coffee, and Meredith quickly ran into the bathroom, using the only spare minute she had and went to the mirror. She took a deep breath and pulled back her hair to reveal a very noticeable bruise peaking out from the surface of her skin.

"Shit!" She cursed to herself. She tore apart the drawer looking for some concealer, and dabbed as much as she could on her skin without it looking noticeable. After checking once more, she tossed her hair a bit so it would cover most of her neck.

She hurried into the nursery and greeted her smiling baby girl. She carried her over to the changing table. Delia giggled as Meredith blew a raspberry on her tummy.

"You need a new diaper. Yes you do." Meredith said in a childish voice. Delia cooed at her mother, making her heart melt. "You are my little Princess." She said as she carried her down the stairs.

"Morning." Derek said to her with a smile as she entered the kitchen. "And morning to you, Peanut." He said giving Delia a kiss on the cheek. He handed Meredith a bottle and a mug of coffee and started working on some scrambled eggs on the stove. She sat Delia in the highchair and took a seat on the barstool, making sure her hair was covering the bruise when he turned around. She wanted to tell him, but she just couldn't.

"Thank you for breakfast. We have to go to the store tomorrow to buy things for dinner on Friday." She reminded him.

"Just take my card and you and Izzie can go when you get off. I have a couple of surgeries scheduled tomorrow, so its gonna be a busy day." He said putting the eggs on a plate.

"Ok." She said. Derek sat the plates down in front of the two of them and Meredith sat in silence picking at the food with her fork.

"Is everything ok mer?" Derek asked. He was worried about her.

"Huh…oh, yeah. Everything is fine. I'm just tired from work, that's all." She replied still not looking him in the eye. She finally took a bit of her eggs.

"I have to go, I'll see you at work." She said leaving the rest of her eggs and getting up to grab her keys. She gave Derek a half smile, before walking out the door.

Derek walked over and picked up Delia. "Mommy's acting funny today." He said making a face at his daughter. She just giggled. "Is that funny to you?"

He cleaned up the kitchen and got dressed. The doorbell rang so he put Delia in her bouncer and headed towards the door.

"Hey Lexie. Thank you so much for watching her. Our nanny is out of town for a couple of days."

"No problem." She said as she came in and sat her purse down.

"Well, I'm off. Call us if you need anything." He said grabbing his keys and passing her to go out the door.

* * *

Meredith was dreading going to the hospital. She didn't want to face anyone. She definitely didn't want to see Dr. Cooper. She was running late, and no one was in the locker room when she got there. She frantically threw her purse in the locker and took off her shirt and pants. As soon as she had tied her scrub bottoms the door flew open. Meredith jumped backwards, nearly falling over the bench.

"And why are you late this morning Dr. Grey?" He said staring her up and down. Meredith grabbed her scrub top and covered her naked upper half.

"I'm sorry Dr. Cooper. I was getting my daughter situated this morning. Can I finish changing and discuss this elsewhere." She replied feeling uncomfortable. His dark eyes looked straight through her.

"We are perfectly fine discussing this right here Dr. Grey. As you know you are still suspended from the OR. I need you down in the ER today suturing. Are we clear?" He said as he walked around her and stopped directly behind her, smelling her hair. She tried to move away from him, only causing him to act more aggressive. "I said are we clear?"

"Yes Dr. Cooper." She gave up and quickly slipped her scrub top on and slammed her locker shut. She tried to walk around him to leave but he would let her. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back towards him. He tried to kiss her, but she pushed him back. He still had her wrist, which was burning and aching.

"Dr. Cooper, I think you need to leave, you are out of line!"

"Me, out of line? Aren't you the one who sleeps around? From what I hear you love one night stands." He said.

"Fuck you."

Her face had never burned that much in her life. She didn't know if he had punched her or hit her with something, but her face just burned. The impact caused her to slam into the lockers next to her and she yelped in pain, trying to catch herself before hitting the floor.

"Make that 4 weeks, Dr. Grey." He spat as he stepped over her and walked into the hallway. She finally stood up and walked over to the mirror, trying to sustain her cries. 'Just one more week' she thought to herself. 'Just one more week and I'll be assigned to Derek for Neuro.'

She looked at her face, thankful that nothing had shown up yet, just a little redness. She wiped her eyes and grabbed her lab coat and headed out into the hall, pretending that everything was ok. She had to, or she would never be a surgeon.

* * *

Meredith stood in the cafeteria line later on that day. Her face was sore, but still no bruise. She grabbed a tray and walked to a table by herself. Izzie was supposed to meet down there in a few, so she just took a seat and started to eat her cheeseburger.

"He is such as asshole! I hate that Doctor. He tried to grab my ass the other day in the OR!" A blonde nurse said at the table next to her.

"Oh I know. He is sick. I hope someone reports him. He is such a pervert."

Meredith knew that eavesdropping was wrong but she couldn't help but listen to the girl's talk about what Dr. Cooper had done to some of them. After about five minutes, She saw Izzie walk in the door and head over to the table.

"Hey Mer!" Izzie said with a cheerful smile as she took a seat.

"Hey Iz. We need to go shopping tomorrow after work for thanksgiving." She said.

"Ok, that sounds great." Izzie said, her smile dropping from her face instantly. "Oh my god, Mer, what happened to your eye!" She said in a panic. Meredith opened her mouth not knowing what to say, only to be cut off by her pager.

"Oh, got to go Iz." She said leaving Izzie with a confused look on her face.

Izzie got up and threw away their trash. She grabbed her phone and text Cristina to meet her in the basement hallway. She made her way down there and sat on a gurney, panic written all over her face.

"What do you want Barbie?" Cristina said giggling as she sat down next to Izzie.

"Cristina, this is serious. If I tell you something you have to keep it between you and me."

"Ok, go for it…" Cristina said.

"I think Derek is hitting Meredith." Izzie said leaving Cristina speechless.


	26. Don't Believe

_Don't Believe_

"Do you know for sure? I mean, you can't just assume things like that." Cristina replied after a small pause.

"No, I don't. It's just, she's been acting weird for the past couple of days. I've been noticing it. She's been trying to cover up her neck, and her face looked horrible." Izzie said with a look of concern. "When I asked her about it, she looked like a deer in headlights. She probably would have fainted if she wouldn't have gotten paged."

"Oh Iz. She's been through so much. I just don't believe Derek would do something like that. Don't say anything until we are sure about it, okay? You don't want to start any rumors." Cristina said as she got up to leave.

"Okay, just please pay attention. I'm going with her tomorrow to the store for thanksgiving, so I will try to talk to her."

"Alright. Bye Izzie." Cristina replied as she walked back up the stairs.

------------------------------------------

Meredith passed Derek in the hallway, and tried to make it around the corner before he saw her. She just couldn't deal with hiding things from him. She decided she was going to tell him, but she wanted to wait until they were at home alone. She had two hours left on her shift, and her back was killing her from sitting down, suturing all day. She hated being in the ER. It felt like she had gone to Medical School for nothing. And now she was suspended for 4 weeks instead of 2. The thing that worried her the most was how she was going to explain to everyone why she wasn't performing any surgeries.

Her pager buzzed, and she looked down to read 'CHIEF'S OFFICE' in big bold letters. She sighed as she turned around and headed for the elevator.

She informed the secretary who she was and made her way into Miranda's office. Dr. Cooper was sitting in a chair next to an empty one, which Meredith assumed she was supposed to sit in. She made her way towards it, making sure not to look at Dr Cooper.

"Hello Meredith. I'm sure you know why we are in here today?" Miranda said.

"No Ma'am. I don't." Meredith replied with a stern look on her face. He wasn't going to do this. He wasn't going to ruin her career.

"Well, Dr. Cooper has informed me that you have a bit of an attitude problem with authoritative figures in this hospital."

"That isn't true. I only have a problem with ones that treat me wrongly." She said crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Dr. Grey. Do you think you need to take some time off and go back to counseling. Are you sure, you were ready to come back this soon. You were going through a lot." Miranda said, trying to act caring towards Meredith.

"No I'm fine. I'm just trying to get through my residency. Its very stressful."

"Well if you didn't sleep with attendings, you might be able to concentrate more." Dr. Cooper said, butting in the the conversation.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cooper, but we have a daughter together and are engaged to be married." Meredith snapped, finally looking into his cold eyes.

"Dr. Cooper, the hospital is well aware of the relationship between Derek and Meredith. You shouldn't make assumptions."

"I was just stating a point Miranda. I'm sorry." He said with the most fake smile he could manage. It made Meredith sick. She knew he was friends with Dr. Bailey, and she was scared no one would believe her.

"Well, Meredith, you need to pay attention to what you say, I know you might not think you are being disrespectful, but others might think you are." She said looking at Meredith.

"Okay. I'm sorry." Meredith replied just wanting to get out of there.

"How is Delia, by the way?" Miranda said with a smile.

"She's good. Almost seven months now. She's teething though, its been hard." She said smiling back.

"I'm looking forward to seeing her soon. Afternoon Dr. Grey."

Meredith nodded and stood up to walk out. After that run in, she didn't want to be near Dr. Cooper even more. He was nearly ruining her career. Her mind was made up. She had to tell.


	27. Something isn't Right

_Something isn't Right_

Meredith climbed into her car after finishing her long shift. She dropped her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes wishing it would go away. She just wanted things to go back to normal again. She wanted to be excited about getting married and planning her wedding. She wanted to be happy that Delia was finally teething and getting older. She wanted to look forward to finishing her residency, which she was in her third year of. She wanted a lot of things, but only one thing was holding her back. Well, really only one person.

After about five minutes, she decided to just go home. She started the car and rehearsed in her head what she would tell Derek, while she made the drive. As soon as she walked through the door, she could hear Delia's giggles filling the air. Momentarily, she felt ok. She walked into the living room, and watched as Lexie tickled the baby's stomach, producing the biggest smiles she had even seen from her daughter.

"Hey Lex. Thank you again for watching her. I don't know what we would have done without you." Meredith said with a smile as she sat down next to Lexie and grabbed Delia, giving her 'mommy kisses' all over her face. Delia instantly smiled at the feel of her mother holding and loving on her.

"Your Welcome Meredith. Well, I better head home." She said with a smile, grabbing her purse.

"Yeah, Oh, home. Have a good night." Meredith replied getting up to head to the kitchen to grab a bottle. "Oh, and Lexie! Don't forget. 7:00 Friday night, thanksgiving dinner here." She yelled.

"Okay Mer. Night!" She responded, closing the front door behind her.

Meredith opened the door to the nursery and flipped on the light. She changed Delia's diaper and dressed her for bed. This was her favorite part of being a mom. Rocking her in the chair and feeding her before bed. It was their own little bonding ritual, and she usually did it before Derek was home. She was sure he enjoyed it also but they had their different things.

"You were hungry, weren't you princess." Meredith said looking into her daughter's baby blue eyes as she sucked on her bottle. She was so calm and carefree, it almost made Meredith's heart break. Delia had no idea how cruel the world could be. How unfair situations could be. She wished she could shield her daughter from everything, but she knew she couldn't.

Meredith carried Delia to the crib after she had fallen asleep. She walked into the master bathroom and flipped on the shower and quickly undressed. Finally stepping in and letting the hot water relax her, did she come back to reality on what she would be doing when Derek made it home. She was going to tell him about Cooper. She knew that everyone was friends with him. He was a fellow attending to Derek. She also knew that saying something bad about another attending was also an unspoken code that she wasn't supposed to do. She wasn't scared to call him out on what he was doing, she was scared that Miranda or Derek wouldn't believe her.

The only comfort she really had was the other nurses and interns in the hospital that had experienced some kind of harassment from him. Obviously hers had been the worst, but they would still back her, if needed.

She stepped out and put on a t-shirt and slid in between the satin sheets. She turned over and looked at the alarm clock. Yep... Any moment Derek would show.

Two hours later...nothing. Not even a call. She kept hearing something downstairs, so she decided to call Derek. She was worried sick and hated being alone at night in such a big house. She picked up the phone off of the bedside table and called the hospital asking them to page Dr. Shepherd to the phone. After waiting for five minutes, he finally picked up.

"Hey Mer, I'm so sorry, I've been swamped. Cooper had an emergency to deal with so I'm stuck here all night on call. I just got scheduled a surgery, so i probably won't be home until morning."

"Okay. I'm just getting worried. I hate being alone. Something doesn't feel right. I'm probably just going crazy alone. I love you. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" She replied.

"Alright. Call me if you need me. Love you too. Night." He replied hanging up the phone.

She sat it back down, shut off the light, and turned back over facing the window. She heard a loud thud and sat straight up in bed, hearing Delia's cries fill the quiet house.

----------------------------

Derek knew that everything was probably okay. He knew that Meredith locked the doors at night and was pretty cautious. But she said that something didn't feel right, and Derek trusted her instinct. He wasn't sure if he would be able to check on her, because Cooper seemed pretty persistent about him doing the surgery tonight, and how important it was for him to stay to check on the patients. But Mer needed him.

He paged Bailey, knowing she hadn't gone home yet and waited for her to show. About five minutes later, she turned the corner.

"Miranda, I know that we are busy right now, but can I run check on Meredith? She's alone at the house tonight with Delia, and I'm a little bit worried about her. She said something wasn't right and I'm uneasy about it." He said with a worried look on his face. He knew and she knew that he wouldn't be able to work until he knew she was safe.


	28. A Bitter Song

_A Bitter Song_

**All I need is a bitter song**

**To make me better**

**Much better**

**All I need to write is a bitter song**

**To make me better**

**Much better**

Meredith kicked back the covers and slowly walked towards her bedroom door. Her heart was racing, and she was shaking with fear. No one was expected at the house, especially this late at night. She quietly opened her bedroom door and peaked out into the hallway. Nothing.

She finally just pushed the door open and walked towards the nursery. She had officially deemed herself crazy, until she noticed Delia's door was open. She always closed her door. Always. Meredith immediately pulled away from the handle and stood very still, trying to hear or see anything else that was out of place. The living room light was on, casting light on the stairwell. She had turned that off before bed.

She took a deep breath and opened the door all of the way, and she didn't see anything wrong. She walked over and picked Delia up and bounced her a bit to calm her back down. She decided the best thing to do would be to call Derek back. She shut the nursery door behind her and walked back across the hallway, with Delia in her arms, noticing the light in the hall was off. She hurried into her room, shutting the door behind her and locking it. She put Delia in her makeshift crib they had set up in the bedroom, and walked back over to the bed to grab the phone. As soon as she reached for it she heard him.

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you." She heard a deep growling voice say to her. She whipped around gasping for air, seeing a dark figure sitting in the chair next to her desk. She couldn't speak. She couldn't think.

She tried to run to Delia to grab her but he had gotten to her first. He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him, looking into her eyes, which were filling with tears.

"What do you want from me? I…I don't understand…." She said between sobs. He was tightening his grip on her at this point.

"You almost got me caught today with Miranda. Your attitude towards me in front of others needs to stop. You should know better. I try to kiss you and you push me away. If you would stop fighting me, you wouldn't get hurt Meredith." He said pulling her closer to him. Delia was nearly screaming. Meredith's heart was breaking. She couldn't save herself, and she couldn't hold Delia to calm her. She wanted Derek. "I have been in love with you, but you keep rejecting me. If you won't be with me on your own, then I will make it happen. Don't fight me, it will only be worse for you in the long run."

"You're fucking crazy. Let me go! Help!" She screamed, knowing full well that no one would come for her. He hit her across the face, knocking her to the ground unconscious.

He picked her limp body off of the floor and sat her on the bed. He slowly pulled down his pants, ready to get what he came for. Her eyes started to flutter, and she opened them to see him hovering over her. She screamed and fought with everything she had in her, until she just broke down in sobs. He was too strong.

**It found me to hold me**

**But I don't like it at all**

**Won't feed it,**

**Won't grow it**

**It's folded in my stomach;**

**It's not fair,**

**I found love;**

**It made me say that.**

**Get back,**

**You'll never see daylight;**

**If I'm not strong it just might.**

Derek parked his car and bolted for the front door. He pulled out his key to unlock it, realizing that it was already ajar. He pushed open, yelling for Meredith but getting no response. As soon as his foot hit the first step, he heard it. The shrieks and screams. He could hear her calling his name, for help. Panic set in as Derek stopped in his tracks. He ran to the office and grabbed a gun out of the drawer of his desk. He had gotten in for protection, but never in a million years, thought he would have to use it.

He made his way back up the stairs, and to her bedroom door. It was locked. "Damnit!" He cursed to himself. He moved back and slammed his body as hard as he could, breaking the doorframe. He stopped in shock at what he saw. Dr. Cooper in his house. Over his wife, her legs and arms kicking and flailing.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Derek yelled, throwing himself at Cooper. He had never been so angry in his entire life. Meredith watched in shock, as the two men fought over the gun. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't breathe. She pulled her body over to the bedside table and grabbed her phone texting Izzie to call 911. She was scared to call herself, that he might come after her again. The gun flew out of Derek's hand onto the floor close to Meredith. She was frozen. Derek was knocking him in the face as fast as he could cock his arms back, and Cooper was attempting to do the same. Eventually, he had Derek pinned on the floor. Meredith inched over and grabbed the gun off of the floor. She had never shot a gun before. She was scared she would hit Derek.

"STOP IT. STOP, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!" She screamed, seeing the blood covering Derek's face. She took a deep breath and pulled her finger back and all she heard following was silence. She dropped to the floor and started sobbing, scared to look at what she had done. She could hear the sirens in the distance.

"Derek. Derek are you ok?" She crawled around the bed, calling his name, hoping for something. She had never been more scared of what she would see. She heard a muffled groan, and saw some movement in the heap on the floor. She got up and ran to him. Cooper was motionless on top of Derek. She rolled him off, helping Derek to the bed.

**All I need is a bitter song**

**To make me better**

**Much better**

**All I need to write is a bitter song**

**To make me better**

"Baby don't move, the police are almost here." She said as she finally scooped Delia into her arms. He didn't rape her. Derek had saved her from that misery. She just wanted her life back. It was over. Finally over.

**I feel better**


	29. Breaking the Silence

_Breaking the Silence_

_Meredith twirled around in the mirror, feeling like she was a young girl again. She could feel all of her cares leaving her body as she let the white fabric surround her. She felt alive. She couldn't wait until Derek saw her in it. The Dress, the perfect dress, that she had found. _

She ran out the door of the Bridal shop, and hopped into her car, heading for the love of her life. She couldn't breathe when they were apart. She pulled into the driveway seeing Derek sitting on the porch. He didn't look happy with her. He looked disappointed. Like she had let him down. She frantically tried to get herself out of the car, dress and all, nearly falling on the ground. She was tangled, and everywhere all she saw was white. She couldn't breathe. The pressure on her neck was unbearable. She tried to scream but nothing came out.

_His eyes were piercing her skin, visually undressing her. He smirked. She needed Derek. Derek had to save her from him. Cooper couldn't get her. He just couldn't. This was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to come home and surprise him with the Dress. A Panic started to build deep inside of her, and her emotions were uncontrollable. _

_She lay motionless on the sea of white, tears spilling down her cheeks, and watched as Derek shook his head and walked towards the car. He had Delia, and he was leaving. He took one last look as he turned out of the driveway, and left her there to be alone._

Derek wrapped his arms around her, trying to comfort her from the nightmare she was going through. She had woken him up with her violent thrashing, and whimpers. She looked around panicked until she realized that she was in Derek's arms and he hadn't gone anywhere. She looked up at him through tear-filled eyes and kissed him till she couldn't breathe.

He shushed her, rocking her small body until she calmed enough to talk.

"Mer-"

"I don't want to talk about my dream. It was stupid. Just please pretend like it never happened." She said stubbornly, not making eye contact with him anymore. It broke him. It hurt that they were still going through these things a month later. A full month and it still felt like yesterday. He rolled over and checked the time, realizing they had to up in ten minutes anyway. He snuggled with her for one more minute, hoping it would help, until he finally just forced himself out of bed onto the freezing floor. He changed into the clothes he had laid out the night before and motioned for Meredith to get up and do the same. She finally caved, throwing on her jeans and long sleeved tee. She went to get Delia ready, while Derek gathered their bags and suitcases and packed them in the car.

"Meredith, are you sure you're going to be ok? I can call my mother and we can go in a couple of weeks."

"Derek, I'm fine. It's Christmas. I want to go, okay? Just stop worrying…"

Derek spent the rest of the time in silence, while he checked the house through one more time and got the rest of their carry on bags ready. They had to be at the airport in thirty minutes. He took Delia from her and sat her in the carseat and quickly buckled her up.

"Baby, I'm so glad were going. We needed to get away from all of this for a while anyway. Please just make the best of it. I haven't seen my mom in almost a year. She's happy we are coming." Derek said as he turned the key in the ignition. Meredith didn't say anything to him the entire ride to the airport, nor in the terminal. They boarded the plane and took their seats. Finally, she reached over for his hand and held it, as if she would never get to do it again. She squeezed it letting him know she would be ok. She just needed some time.

She couldn't get Cooper out of her dreams. After he had broken in the house, she had a constant fear that he would show up again. The policeman who showed up had thought that Cooper had died from the shot. It wasn't known that he was alive until the paramedic showed, and found a pulse. They spent hours, dealing with the police, and letting them investigate the house and such, looking for any signs of forced entry or fowl play. Derek got cleaned and stitched up and they took Delia and stayed in a hotel room for the night. Cooper was now in jail, pending a trial, which Meredith was dreading with every fiber of her being. Would she be safe if he got out?

She turned over and looked out the window, getting ready to go to sleep, but right before she shut her eyes, she let out a small, quiet I love you.

"I love you to Meredith." He replied back. They would get through this,…together.


	30. As It Should Be

_As It Should Be_

Meredith was startled by the announcement over the intercom. They were about to land. She didn't know how long she had been asleep, but it didn't matter at that point. She looked over at Derek, who was making faces at Delia, trying to calm her. She had been acting uneasy during the flight, but he had decided to let Meredith sleep, rather than wake her up. He had a rental car, that should be ready by the time they made it off of the plane, and his mother was expecting them by dinner. It had been so long since he had been here. He saw Meredith stir out of the corner of his eye, and she quickly sat up.

His family lived in Albany, New York. It was north of New York City, and the homes there were beautiful. An hour later they were pulling up at the beautiful house. It was homey. Derek had always been good to his mother, not stopping after buying her this house. They had a huge family and he only thought it appropriate to give them a place to visit and feel comfortable. Meredith usually didn't do families, but she loved Derek's. They were the most welcoming family she had ever met. She knew it would probably be weird being there after the divorce and everything, but she missed them. They were going to go crazy over Delia, she was sure, and hopefully they would do the same over her now that she was back with Derek.

Meredith flashed Derek a smile before he parked and got out to get their luggage. She was feeling better now that they were off the plane. She had been going through these moods, where she was depressed, but Derek was always there for her. She had one week away from work. One week away from Seattle, away from the trial. She got out of the car and shut the door, getting ready to grab Delia out of the back. His mother, Sarah, came rushing out the door taking Meredith into her arms.

"Oh Honey, it's so good to see you again. You look absolutely beautiful." She said giving Meredith a kiss on the cheek. Derek walked over to join them hugging his mother also. "I'm so happy you both decided to come. I have missed you so much."

"Mom. I know that you haven't spoken to me much, but we have had so much going on. We have something to show you." Derek quickly opened the door and retrieved the smiling baby from the car seat. His mother gasped taking the child in her arms.

"You have a daughter Derek?" She said, kissing the baby and holding her in her arms. She was a bit taken back, over the fact that he hadn't told her, but he wanted her to be happy.

"Yes. We didn't know Mer was pregnant until after the divorce was finalized, and we had a major rollercoaster ride trying to fix it, but here we are. We both decided that we wanted you to meet in her person. I'm sorry we didn't tell you."

"Derek, I'm just glad you're here to see me. You know that Meredith is always welcome in my home, as well as this gorgeous grand-daughter of mine." She said smiling at the baby. "What is this little one's name anyway?"

"Delia Anne." Meredith said with a smile. Sarah's face instantly lightened even more. "I named her middle name Anne for you Sarah, just like your name. You're the only mom I ever had, for the short time I was married, and so I named her after you." She said, her face instantly turning red.

Sarah hugged her once more and grabbed her hand leading her inside to get settled. Maybe this week would be good after all. It was Christmas time, she deserved to be carefree.

The house was just as beautiful inside as it was out. It had six bedrooms, one for his mom and five for Derek and his four sisters when they came to visit. She didn't need such a big house, but Derek had insisted. They trudged up the stairs with their suitcases and placed them in their room, deciding to unpack later. Derek's sisters were in the family room and Derek couldn't wait to see them. Meredith quickly freshened up and joined Derek.

As soon as they hit the doorway, they had kids jumping on them left and right. Derek's sisters quickly stood up to hug the two of them and they all shared some conversation, wanting to know what had been going on. They all had liked Meredith when they had first met her, and they were all happy that Derek had finally come to his senses.

"Oh my gosh! Is that an engagement ring Meredith?" His sister Kristie shrieked. Meredith stuck her hand out smiling. "The wedding is in April, and you are all invited." All of the girls admired her ring, while Derek just laughed. All of her sister's husbands were in the basement, playing poker, or watching football. They had their guy time during the holidays. He left Meredith in the living room and headed down the stairs to see a table of guys, with cards and poker chips.

"Derek!" John said getting up from the table and giving him a hug. "Man, how long has it been, almost two years? Where have you been?" Tyler said as he pulled up a chair.

"Meredith is here guys. She's in the living room." He said seeing their reactions.

"You're back together? How are you guys doing these days?" Michael said.

"Well we're getting married in April." Derek said smiling. "Oh…and guess what else?" He said pulling a picture of Delia out of his wallet. "We had a baby."

Derek was beaming as the guys congratulated him. Derek picked up some cards and joined in the game. He couldn't help think to himself. Everything was how it should be.


	31. Call Me Mom

_Call Me Mom _

Meredith crept out of bed, trying not to wake up her little family. It was Christmas Day and she was restless. She couldn't sleep. She hated waking Derek up, because she knew that he worried about her all the time. After grabbing a robe and slippers, she quietly opened the door and went into the hall. The stairs were a lot harder, being wooden and creaky.

Thankfully, she made it with no loud noises. The tree was beautiful. That is one thing she loved about Sarah. The woman knew how to decorate for Christmas. That was something Meredith never had. Most of her Christmases were spent in the hospital or alone. She passed the mountain of presents and straight into the kitchen to make some coffee. It was about 5:30 A.M. and she knew the little ones would be up soon. Just as she was pouring a cup of coffee, she heard a noise behind her. Out of reflex, she dropped her cup, causing it to shatter to pieces on the floor.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you dear." Sarah said as she grabbed some wash cloths from the drawer. Meredith held her hand to her chest, trying to calm down.

"Its ok, It just scared me. I didn't know anyone else was awake. I'm so sorry about the cup. I'll buy you a new one." Meredith said, getting the broom from the pantry.

"There will be no such thing. Why are you so jumpy?" She said with a laugh, somewhat joking with Meredith.

"I've just had some things going on lately. I can't sleep well." Meredith replied, throwing the remainders of the cup into the trashcan. Sarah walked over to Meredith and touched her arm, in a loving, motherly way. Meredith instantly relaxed.

"You know you can tell me anything. You are like one of my own daughters. I won't judge. I will always be here for you Meredith. I love you dearly." Sarah said smiling at her. Meredith looked up into her eyes, letting a single tear fall, and Sarah quickly pulled her into a hug. Sarah walked Meredith into the living room, and they sat on the couch together. Meredith wiped her tears and took a deep breath. It was time to open up.

"Derek and I are involved in a trial right now. A doctor at the hospital was harassing me and broke into our home and tried to attack me. Derek came home and found him there and they started fighting, so I grabbed the gun Derek had for protection and shot him, because he was nearly about to kill Derek. The police know that he broke in, but we still have to testify against him because of the gun. I'm so scared to see him. He haunts my dreams. I don't want to worry Derek anymore, but I don't know how to get through this. I can't do it alone." Meredith explained, tears running freely down her cheeks at this point. Sarah reached over and grabbed her hand.

"Oh honey. That is terrible. I don't know what to say. Maybe you should go to see someone, to talk to, you know? It might help you. It's not good to bottle up your emotions." Sarah responded.

"I know, it just seems like one bad thing happens after the last. I don't know how to be happy anymore. Derek was the only thing I had until he left me. And now I have Delia. I love her more than anything, and I let Derek back in, but it's been hard. I love him very much, but the things we went through were tough. I want him to be in my life, and I want Delia to have a family. I don't want her to grow up like me." Meredith replied.

"Your daughter will grow up perfectly fine Meredith. She has you as a mother, and that is one indication. You think the world of her and I know she will think the same of you. Derek didn't have his head on straight, obviously, but I think having a child has made him grow up. He understands the importance of family and what it should mean to you more than he did before. You just need to come visit me more often." She said with a chuckle.

Meredith smiled. She could she the morning light creeping through the blinds. "Sarah, how about I help you get breakfast ready for everyone."

"Meredith, that sounds perfect. But only if you just call me mom from now on." She replied with a smile.

"Okay mom." She said laughing and following Sarah into the kitchen.


	32. Coming To Seattle

_Coming To Seattle_

Meredith smiled as she watched the children open their presents. She loved seeing their faces and couldn't wait until Delia was old enough to enjoy Christmas the same way. Derek sat next to Meredith holding her hand, and he would occasionally flash her a smile. She just watched, taking it all in, the children's laughter, the beautiful lights, and the family. She loved the family. It was her family now.

Sarah was bouncing Delia in her lap, causing the baby to giggle uncontrollably. Meredith couldn't help but laugh at the sight. Her daughter was getting so big. Derek looked at Meredith and handed her a couple of medium sized wrapped boxes. She looked at him surprised, not expecting much for Christmas.

"My Mom got you some gifts, as well as me. I want you to open mine last though." He said, holding one last present in his lap. She smiled and ripped the paper off of the first one, pulling out a gift card to a spa day, with a fluffy white bath robe.

"Oh, Sarah, you shouldn't have done this. Thank you so much." She said, clutching the robe to her chest.

"You deserve a day to relax honey." She replied. "Go on, open the next one. Its from the girls."

Meredith felt somewhat embarrassed, knowing that everyone was watching her at this point. She peeled away the paper and opened the box to reveal at least ten outfits for Delia.

"Oh. Thank you so much. They are Beautiful." She exclaimed wiping away her tears. She had never felt more loved. Derek's sisters hugged Meredith. They were so happy to have her back with the family.

Derek stood up and sat in the chair facing Meredith. He had been so excited about his gift for so long. It was so hard to keep secrets from her. As he handed the gift to Meredith, the whole room was silent. She looked up at him, bursting with anticipation. As she pulled the paper off, she opened the box to find tissue paper covering whatever was in the box, with a small envelope lying on top. She pulled it open and retrieved the paper.

_My Mer,_

_I know that times have been hard on us. We have joined together again, trying to grow as a family. I'm sorry for all of the hurt we have endured, and i know that it can only get better from here. I thought long and hard about what to give you for your present and this is what I have chosen for us. I love you dearly. _

_Derek_

Meredith wiped her tears and looked up into Derek's sparkling blue eyes. He nodded for her to go on. She pulled away the tissue paper to find two plane tickets and a brochure for Maui, Hawaii.

"I decided to take us to Hawaii for a week to get away. We will leave on a private Jet and stay in a five star resort. We need to get away, just you and me." He said with a smile. Meredith jumped up and hugged him, while everyone just sat in awe. They were so happy for the two of them.

After they had all calmed down, Meredith looked at Derek, wide-eyed with worry. "Baby, what about Delia? We can't leave her with Ashley alone for a whole week."

"Lexie said she could come stay at the house, and trade off with Izzie." He said, already planning this ahead of time.

"Nonsense. I will fly out and stay for a week. I want some time with my granddaughter anyway." Sarah said hugging Delia to her chest. The baby had fallen asleep against her.

"Mom, there's no need. We will be fine." Derek said, not wanting to impose on his mother.

"Nonsense Derek. I won't take no for an answer." She said with a smile.

"Okay then. It's settled. Mom, you're coming to Seattle!" Derek said smiling as he twirled Meredith around.


	33. A Destructive Path

_A Destructive Path_

_3 weeks later…_

"DEREK!" Meredith frantically ran around her house, searching for her blackberry charger. She pulled the clothes out of her drawers, unmade the bed and dove between the pillows, and even checked the drawers in her bathroom, but still no charger. "DEREK!"

Derek ran up the stairs and into the bedroom, only to see a mess that resembled the aftermath of a tornado. He laughed quietly at the sight, Meredith nearly upside down hanging off the bed, searching under the bedside table.

"What Mer?" He said, waiting for her to sit up. He watched her struggle, nearly flip over, and then finally catch her balance and pull herself up.

"I can't…" She said stopping short of the end of her sentence. "Oh, Mr. Derek Shepherd, you wipe that shit-eating grin off of your face. I can't find my charger." She said sternly with her hands on her hips. He chuckled loudly tackling her back to the bed and tickling her until she couldn't breathe.

"You know guys. This is really heartwrenching, but you have a plane to catch." They both stopped and looked up to see Cristina leaning against the doorway holding the charger Meredith had been searching for. Meredith wriggled out of Derek's grasp, and took off, making it to the end of the bed, only to trip and fall with a loud thud. Cristina couldn't contain her laughter as the heap of limbs, known as Meredith, finally got back on her feet and snatched the charger, and continued out into the hallway, leaving Derek in the mess of a bedroom.

"Sarah has got Delia settled downstairs, so we are good to go. I've got my car loaded with all the suitcases." Cristina said, as Derek tried to straighten up a bit.

"Thanks again for taking us to the airport. It really helps with my mom and all." Derek said with a friendly smile.

"Don't mention it." She said with a straight face. Derek opened his mouth to say something but was cut off. "No, literally, don't mention it. I'll barf." She responded. "I swear you two are to damn mushy sometimes. It's just a car ride." She finished as she turned on her heel and headed back down the stairs. Derek followed only to find Meredith nearly doing the same thing to the kitchen as she had done to the bedroom.

"Meredith! What did you lose this time?" Derek said, grabbing the items out of her hands that she was pulling out of drawers and cabinets. "I lost my Blackberry!" She said frantically. Derek reached into his pocket and retrieved it and held it in front of her face just to see how long it took her to realize it was there. Finally she shrieked and grabbed it out of his hands, hitting him in the shoulder to justify it.

Sarah gave them both a goodbye hug and let them hug Delia bye. It would be hard but they needed this. Meredith said her last words, and turned to walk out the door, only looking back once to see her smiling daughter and mother-in-law. The week had officially started. A Meredith-no-worries week.

Wonder how long that would last…


	34. Breathtaking

_Breathtaking_

Derek looked over at Meredith, who was fidgeting in her seat. He couldn't help but laugh at her, when she was a nervous wreck.

"What is so funny?" She said innocently. Sometimes she thought Derek was a little weird.

"You." He replied, waiting for her freak out.

"Me?" She said shocked.

"Yes, you. You're about to pull out your hair." He said.

"No I'm not. I'm fine." She said, facing the seat in front of her, and trying to keep her cool. He knew. He knew she was losing her mind. She sat in silence for about two minutes before she said anything.

"Did we leave Sarah the car keys? What if she needs to leave? And I think I forgot to put more diapers in the changing table. What about Delia's blanket? She can't sleep without it." Meredith rambled. Derek started to open his mouth to respond but was cut off by her.

"OH! We forgot to put up Lexie and Izzie's numbers. What if something happens and she needs help?" She spit out.

"Meredith calm down! We have cell phones. We can call when we land and talk to her, okay?" He said taking her hand.

"Okay. I'm sorry. We've never left Delia for this long before." She replied.

"Besides, if you are at home right now, you won't be able to enjoy what I got you to use during the trip." He said handing her a wrapped present from his carry on bag. She looked up at him, with a smile on her face, peeling off the paper.

"It's a webcam, for us to use on the laptop to see Delia and Sarah. I set one up at the house just like it. So now you can see her anytime you think something is wrong." He said smiling back at her.

"Oh Derek, its perfect. You don't know how much that means to me." She leaned close to him, setting her head on his shoulder. She could do this. She was going to Hawaii for god's sake. How hard could it be to enjoy herself.

A bit later, they finally landed, getting lei'd as they stepped off of the plane. It was breathtaking. Everything was so pretty. She couldn't stop looking out of the window as Derek drove the rental towards their hotel.

As they checked in, she couldn't keep her mouth from hanging open. She was like a kid in a candy store. He led her towards their room, and as he opened the door, she had seriously felt like her heart had skipped a beat.

* * *

_**ok guys. Thank you sooo much for your reviews. I have been so overwhelmed this week, but should be back on track by friday, so sorry ahead of time for short updates this week. I have started a new fic, lol, with jenny from the oncall room board, and we are co-writing it, so that should be easier on me. It's called Pretty Persuasion. I will post it on here later tonight. Thanks again for you reviews, i love constructive critisicm, and encouragement is awesome! love you all! **_


	35. Never Want It to End

_Never Want It to End_

"Seriously Derek. This is our room?" She said as she made her way though all of the turns of the suite, inspecting every inch in awe. She was overjoyed that they had taken this trip. She hadn't had time to relax and do what she wanted in so long. Derek sat their suitcases on the bed and started to unpack everything, putting things in their drawers and on counters. Meredith walked out onto the balcony and took in the amazing view. The sun was setting in the distance, the sky painted with reds, and purples.

Derek put their empty suitcases in the closet and joined her on the balcony. He slipped his arms around her small frame, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the lavender scent that he loved so much. She closed her eyes and took in the moment, feeling the slight breeze wash over her. Finally. Pure Bliss.

She slowly turned around facing Derek, staring into his captivating blue eyes. She could look at them all day long. He leaned forward, meeting her lips with hers, delving his tongue into her awaiting mouth. He tugged on her bottom lip, sucking, causing her to gasp. She pulled herself closer to him, wanting to feel him against her, as he tangled his hand into her wavy hair. He ran his hands along her slender waist, finally resting on her perfect ass, and swiftly picked her up, instantly causing her to wrap her long legs around his waist. He continued kissing her passionately as he carried her back into the bedroom and fell into her on the bed. He trailed pecks down her neck, sucking occasionally, as she moaned in pleasure.

He motioned for her to rise up, peeling her shirt away from her body. She felt a need, ripping off his shirt in return, and then went to work on his jeans and boxers, revealing his hard cock unpatiently waiting for entrance. He felt like he was going to explode as she unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor, not soon after removing her panties.

The fell into each other, kissing whatever place they could find. He teased her pussy with the velvety head wanting to pound her all night. As he entered her she cried out, grasping clumps of his dark hair. Derek pushed, pulled, and pumped, bringing them to the edge. He could feel her tighten, close to her release, driving him insane. He lost all thoughts as he sprayed into her, causing her to reach her orgasm also. He collapsed, resting his head on her chest. She played with his curls never wanting the moment to end.

A couple of hours later, Meredith walked out of the bathroom, twirling in circles, showing off her new dress she had bought. It was a white empire-waist cut sundress, with white sandals. She wore her hair wavy, donning a big yellow exotic flower she had picked earlier behind her ear. Derek had promised to take her to dinner.

"Mer you look beautiful," he said as he stood and pulled her close, kissing her lips.

"Thank you. Are you ready? Our reservations are in twenty minutes." She replied, grabbing her purse and walking towards the door.

"Right behind you Mer." He said as he joined her.


	36. An Unsuspected Surprise

_An Unsuspected Surprise_

Derek opened the door to the restaurant for Meredith. He couldn't believe that everything was going well. She had called Sarah on the way there, and now that she knew Delia was ok, she could breathe a lot better. Ready to enjoy the evening, they took a seat at the table and picked up the menus. Meredith looked absolutely beautiful, and he couldn't feel luckier that she had given him a second chance to prove his love to her. He made a silent vow that he would never dissapoint her again. She smiled at him as she looked up from her menu, taking a minute to gaze into his blue eyes.

"Thank you for everything Derek. This trip was just what I needed. I am so glad we did this." She said as she scanned the food choices. He had decided to take her to an Italian place, right on the beach. Their table was in perfect view of the crashing waves and palm trees. He smiled back, grabbing her small hand and squeezing it, as he looked back down at his menu.

Derek didn't realize it at the moment, but Meredith was nervous out of her mind. She had a huge thing to tell him, and she had been waiting for the right moment to spill it. He was so happy, and she knew this would make him even more overjoyed but she wanted to wait until after dinner.

"I can't wait for the wedding. When we get back, we are in full planning mode." She said giggling. Derek could't wait to see her walk down the aisle again. He knew this time would be more special, with his family coming down and Delia being there. He knew she wouldn't remember it, being so young, but she would know when she was older and could see the pictures.

"I know. We have to get the traveling arraignments made for my mom and sisters. They are so excited." Derek responded taking a sip of his drink.

"I can't wait to get my dress." She said. "I still have to get Izzie, Cristina and Lexie in there to get fitted. And I forgot to ask you, but do you think that your sister Caroline will let Jamie be my flower girl?"

"I'm sure it won't be a problem, Mer." Derek said in return.

After about twenty minutes of small talk, their food finally arrived. They ate until they were stuffed and Derek asked if she wanted to take a walk along the beach. The got up, after Derek paid, and headed out, leaving their shoes in the rental car in the parking lot. Meredith felt the cold sand in between her toes as she ran out pulling Derek behind her. The night was so beautiful, and the moonlight was breathtaking, shining off the water. They walked hand in hand until they found a cozy nook to sit down at. Derek layed his jacket on the ground and took a seat, letting Meredith sit in front of him between his legs and lean against him.

"Meredith, you really do look amazing tonight." He said running his hand up and down her bare arms.

"Thank you Derek." She said sitting up and turning to face him. "Derek we have to talk."

"Are you okay? Is everything okay?" He said, a look of panic coming across his face.

"Baby I'm fine. I just have to tell you something." She said, seeing his face relaxing. She picked up his hand and kissed his fingers. She was bursting with excitement. "I love you Derek. I always have. And I know that the problems we have been facing have been hard. But we have something beautiful to experience soon."

"I know Meredith. This wedding is going to be wonderful. I can't wait for it honey." He replied, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"No, Derek." She said grabbing his hand and outstretching his palm. "We're going to have a baby." She said placing his hand on her stomach and smiling.


	37. The End

**I have decided to continue this story in a sequel called :Stellar:**

**You can find it on here, or under my name. Thank you so much for reading my story, it means a lot to me, and i hope you enjoy the sequel... **


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